It was with amazement that I read the story of the women who celebrated the end of their marriages, by wearing white wedding gowns and swigging directly from a bottle of wine in glee.
First of all, I wondered what all the drama was all about. Why did they feel a need to wear wedding gowns to celebrate the end of a union? I’m still struggling with that part. They could have celebrated the divorce (if it’s worth celebrating) without wearing gowns and making a mockery of the whole marriage institution. However, I must be mindful of the fact that both the newly divorced and her friends had their reasons, which I’m not privy to.
While the divorced mom mentioned earlier participated actively in the surprise divorce party, another one shown on the Real Housewives of Atlanta didn’t pan out so well. In fact, the newly divorced refused to the wear the sash her friends had bought and eventually excused herself from the divorce party. For her, she just wasn’t in the mind-space to be celebrating the end of her marriage and her friends had read the signals wrong.
Sometime late last year, the Arab country of Saudi Arabi passed a law which enables women to drive. And that is just one out of the many things that women couldn’t do in the country.
A surprising consequence of this relaxation of the law is the trend of divorce parties. Yes, in a country where divorced women were heavily shunned and remarriage was stigmatized, divorce women not only hold their heads up, they can actually throw divorce parties to celebrate their new identities.
The celebrations over separation have become frequent, even as critics dismiss it as a ploy to gain attention, and many said that a divorce can’t mean happiness for anyone. But a lot of people believe it is a result of the injustice women had to go through while they were married.
There is nothing wrong with celebrating the end of a marriage, if you must, but it is important to add some sense of decorum to it. Especially where there are children involved. Of course, you would have family and friends in common, and it’s not nice to put them in a situation where they have to pick a side, either you or your ex’s.
A teenage girl, whose mother had thrown a party to celebrate the end of her marriage to her father, was left confused by the whole incident.
Toro, who had a low key divorce party, said she just had to throw that party, given the very difficult route it took for her to get there. It was also like a signal to everyone who knew that the old Toro, fun girl, who was the life of the party was back on the scene, without a “Mrs.” prefix.
Like most young ladies, Toro had looked forward to her wedding day with lots of excitement and dreams about what the future would hold.
However, the reality of marital life was different. It meant a lot of personal sacrifices. Children came in quick succession, and soon, the Toro that she knew had disappeared. It was only one overweight, badly dressed woman with a child always on her hips or tugging at her legs, that always stared back at her whenever she stood in front of the mirror.
Her husband, on the other hand, was looking better, and gradually, he started to spending more time out of the house. From hardly having sex with her, he moved out of their bedroom into the guest room, and when it became clear that he was having an affair, their marriage had already disintegrated. They were only living in the same house.
Toro had been the one to ask for a divorce, even though she had no idea how she was going to survive. One of the things she started doing immediately her husband moved out was exercise, and in a matter of weeks, the results started to show. And that was when what would have been an otherwise straight-forward divorce proceeding became a knotty one. Toro’s husband rescinded his consent to the divorce. He told the judge he didn’t want to divorce his wife. So, they moved from court to mediation.
Long story short, Toro’s ex finally agreed to the divorce, but he kept throwing stumbling blocks in the path of the proceedings.
With everything that had happened, Toro felt she needed to make a clean break and let her hair down after so many years of losing herself,f and she threw herself a party, to which she invited close friends. It was just what the doctor ordered.
In prepping for a divorce party, what is more important than making the guests feel comfortable, is that the newly divorced person makes sure that he or she is in the right frame of mind for this too.
If you’re feeling awkward or you’re feeling a disconnect with your new identity as a single person, then it’s too soon. However, to enjoy the full benefits of a divorce party, it is best done fresh to serve as a form of a rite of passage.
For where children are involved, it is better to remember to maintain a level of positivity.
Instead of throwing darts at the ex’s face, or partaking in some of the adult games played at divorce parties, the divorced person could use this party as an opportunity to discuss future goals, like travel plans and career moves.
On the other hand, if divorce party is not your thing, then you should feel free to do something you are comfortable doing, just to mark the start of a fresh slate for you.
Divorce or no divorce, don’t forget to stay in love.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.