Dimming the light on an old flame


A lot of ladies believe that we guys would always have something for a lady we have once loved. They probably think we all reason with our little Johns and would keep coming back for the candy. I have seen many ladies gloat about their ex-boyfriends who were unable to resist their charms. Well, I can’t speak for all guys but I knew that the minute I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, there was no charm she could use on me that was going to work. My heart was set, and I was truly done. She thought she knew me well enough to know my weaknesses and know what I was going to fall for. I couldn’t even fall because I knew that I did not want to be roped back into a relationship with a deceitful person. Eventually she got tired of trying and left me alone. If you are in a dilemma on getting an ex to leave you alone, I have some tips for you below.

Break it off…for Good!

It all begins with how you end things. If you break up only to get back together a week later, then you are setting a dangerous precedence. If you want out, be a man and end it. But you are truly a man if you resist the temptation of going back to her over and over again, unless of course, you change your mind and want to get her back for good. When I found out that Becky had a sugar daddy on the side, we didn’t have the break up talk at first. I simply went away broken and angry, sure that our relationship was over. She in turn did not come back to me immediately. She enjoyed being spoilt by the older guy and probably only remembered me when she realized somethings were more important than money. It was then I first told her that I was done and done for good. No mincing words!

Avoid sending mixed signals

No need being Mr. Nice guy.  If you do not want to be with her, then say so — loud and clear. The last thing the poor girl needs is you wavering back and forth and toying with her emotions. Don’t tell her you still love her if you don’t want to be with her anymore. Don’t entertain her long conversations and make her feel you guys are making headway. Also ensure that your friends know what page you are on as well; they should know in order to avoid mistakes. Loose lips sink ships.

Do NOT sleep with her!

I wish I could emphasize this even more! I have friends who tried to get rid of an ex but kept failing, because they kept on eating the candies these ladies were offering. Of course, when you continue sleeping with her, she assumes you both are on the same boat, while you probably just want to get laid. The problem is, she isn’t going to leave you after the sex. Becky tried to get me to sleep with her at all cost, but I resisted her like a flea; I knew my resolve to stay away from her was going to be weakened if we had sex. She probably knew this too, which was why she tried everything to get me in the sack. Resist the urge. Get over the temptation. Take a cold shower.

Make it clear you are not just playing hard too get

In the initial stage of Becky trying to reignite our flame, she kept thinking I was just playing hard to get and trying to punish her for what she did to me. But, I stood my ground and reminded her that I wasn’t the sort of guy to fool around. If I liked a girl, I was going to man up and walk up to her. If I did not like a girl, there was no time to play games. She didn’t listen for a while, but she eventually got the message.

Explain to her why you don’t want to be with her

In my case, Becky of course knew why I didn’t want her again. She just simply assumed she could make things right with me. I had to sit her down and explain to her, that there were some mistakes I could tolerate, and some that I just couldn’t handle. I was already wary of her, and so, even if we had gotten back together, we were bound to keep having problems, stemming from my trust issues. There was no way I could trust her not to cheat again. Make sure that you clearly communicate to her why things are over and why you do not want to get back together. It is hard enough for a woman to get over you when she knows you no longer want her, imagine how much harder it is if she thinks that there’s a chance to ignite an old flame. Tell it like it is: the truth hurts, but hey, no pain no gain.

Don’t flirt with her, because it makes you feel good

I admit I was a tad tempted to flirt with Becky, just because…or maybe I wanted to give her a bitter pill to swallow by leading her for a bit and then throwing down the pack of cards, when she least expected. If the person trying to get back in your life hurt you, like Becky did me, there is a temptation to flirt around, just to make yourself feel good. But to what end? Making her sad wasn’t going to take away the pain I felt, and neither was it going to make me happy. All I wanted was to be alone; to grieve, nurse my broken heart, heal and find love again. And that’s exactly what I did! Girls already feel that all men want them; okay, maybe not all, but most actually do. So why add fuel to the flame by giving her a look that would make icebergs melt? Keep your distance and don’t even allow yourself to run into her, if you can help it.

Take care guys.





Photo Credits

1. www.mo-am.com

2. www.shutterstock.com

3. www.thinkpositivemag.com

4. www.bloomberg.com

5. www.huffingtonpost.com

6. www.powersolution.com

7. www.forcampus.com

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