Many a man feels like the cure for any and everything is sex. You’re happy? Your husband probably thinks it’s because of the sex you had and that prompts him to want to have more. And when you’re sad, his mind immediately thinks that sex will boost your mood. When in fact, it isn’t.
Sometimes, men learn this lesson the hard way, like Mr Raji, who recently confessed openly at a couple’s retreat that it took him close to ten years of marriage to finally figure out the fact that when his wife dresses in a certain manner or says something, he isn’t expected to jump ahead of himself and start putting the moves on her in the hope of getting some action between the sheets.
His wife shut down on him and kept saying no, every time he wanted sex, until he became frustrated and called a couple’s conference to find out why he was not getting any more action. She revealed to him that it wasn’t every time that she wore a fitted dress that she wanted sex and especially, the simple fact that she holds his hands in public is not a signal for sex that night. Sometimes, she just wanted him to say something nice about her dress, and sometimes, she just wanted him to squeeze her hands, not hold it more firmly, as he was wont to do.
Ten years and he finally gets it. Now, he knows that he gets far more, if he engages in days-long foreplay than a hurried one. That he kisses his wife and leaves it only at that earns him lots more action between the sheets.
He found that his heartfelt compliments make his wife glow, literally, right there in his face and when she extends her hands for him to hold, or just grabs his hands, he know his night is made, if only he squeezes that soft one willingly dropped into his larger one. And gone are the days of cajoling her to have sex or doing it anyways, whether she wanted to or not, which often left him feeling bad.
Before husbands start to think women hate sex, far from it. Sex is good for the soul. Sex is good for couples, good as a stress relief. No mistake, it’s a good thing.
But it’s not the only option for physical affection. No, it’s not. Even though, sex is an expected part of every marriage, sometimes your wife will just want to cuddle and kiss with no strings attached. Husbands, it’s important that you know that not every kiss is, or should be considered as, foreplay to getting laid.
Sometimes, your wife just wants to have what’s been referred to as “non-goal oriented touching.” Touching for just touching sake, so please, get the knowing glow out of your eyes, because you just read this particular kiss wrong.
For your information, women need certain amount of touches every single day and there’s a simplicity to just kissing for the sake of kissing or cuddling for the sake of cuddling, that sex doesn’t fill. Did you know you can have sex without kissing? Well, yes and you can guess the outcome of that.
Again sex is good but it has its place and days.
I kid you not, when I say those moments of physical affection make your wife feel all warm and fuzzy inside, in a way that sex doesn’t always match.
Personally, I believe relationships need both sexy time and non-sexy time. A tender touch can make someone feel loved and secure. A long hug can let someone know they are cared about.
And a couple who flirts and makes out in the kitchen while making dinner, much to the chagrin of their teenagers, who tell them to “get a room” can teach their kids what it looks like when two people are still deeply and madly in love so many years after saying their vows. What a great example that is.
Since I have established the fact that a kiss goes a long way in your relationship, then it’s important to point out the fact that a kiss on the mouth is not the only way to go about it. Here some other interesting places you can kiss or just touch and it sends a powerful message to her.
The small of her back
This is where all the nerves for the genitals originate, so stimulation of the lower back with massage and kissing and nibbling is a great way to stimulate the area.
It is also the reason most women love it when their partner places his hand on the small of their back in public; it’s an intimate, sexy gesture that makes a woman feel hot without it seeming out of the ordinary.
You may not find a sweeter spot for her emotions than here. It will be hard to find a woman, who doesn’t want to get a loving kiss from a man who loves her brain? It’s a huge self-confidence builder, a soother, and a make-her-legs-weak, strong-man move. You should consider it, after she’s had a stressful day at work.
Okay, sir, if you’re really gunning for sex, then you should just head North, literally.
Nape of the neck
There’s a certain vulnerability that most women experience from being kissed on the nape of the neck. It literally stirs her and makes her feel sexy all in the same kiss.
If you don’t want it to end in sex, you can scoot along but as said earlier, if you looking for sex, then you can continue along that path.
However, never forget the fact that your wife needs more than sex and not all kisses that she bestows on you, for whatever reason, are a sign that she wants sex. Sometimes, the connection is all she craves.
I seem to be using a lot of sometimes in this article, but that is because, in the case of intimacy between couples, there are no absolutes.
Touch your wife, play with her, she’s not only a sex toy.
Stay in love folks.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.