Dating Life: Not Putting all my eggs in one basket- Stephanie’s story

After watching her older sister got dumped by a man she dated for ten years, while she was a teenager and then seeing her friend go through a terrible time, when her beau, whom she had been dating since secondary left her for an older woman, who took care of all his needs, Stephanie knew she did not want to put all her hopes in one man.

All these happened while Stephanie was yet to got into a relationship of any kind. She was a late bloomer, while girls in her class were sprouting boobs and growing into their womanly curves, Stephanie was a still flat chested and as straight as you can imagine.

However, all that changed when she clocked 17 and guys literally fell over themselves trying to woo her. All the guys that had not paid her any attention suddenly stood to attention whenever she walked past, but Stephanie never paid anyone any attention.

She was focused on only one things and that was doing well in her education and getting a good job, before thinking of men; her sister and friend’s experiences were deeply ingrained in her mind. She did not trust anyone, men especially but all that changed in her second year in the university. She finally succumbed to a date with one guy and that was because he was very persistent and her friends persuaded her that he genuinely cared for her.

There was a problem though, in the mind of the guy, his one date with her meant he was her boyfriend. That was a wrong notion, as he soon found that Stephanie was not the type of girl who committed to a guy, just because of a single date. By the time, she left the university, she had a reputation as a hard girl and some felt she was being too picky and pompous. Whatever was the notion, it meant little to her.

Thankfully for Stephanie, things went along to her plans, as she got a very good job after her graduation and national service. And that was when she started to get serious about having a relationship and men were in abundance where she was concerned. She was a magnet for men, they just came around her, seeing to if they could get a cheap thrill off her, to see if she was ready for a serious relationships; all types of men courted her. While, she enjoyed the chase, she was non committal. Not even to one of them.

She was always comparing them with the past experiences of her sister and friend and they always fit into the mould of the two men, who had broken the hearts of the two women she loved. From here, Stephanie will tell her story in her own words:

“I did not set out to be a player girl as most of the men around me think I am. I just wanted to find the right man, not one, who looks like all he wants is to get in my panties. Certainly, not men, who looked like the kind of guys, who jilted my sister after 10 years together or the man, who stringed my friend along, only to dump her after he got what he wanted.

I know what I want and it’s a man that is not afraid of commitment from the get go. In the meantime, I will be looking at several options and sampling the market, until such a time, as I see something I like. For once in my life, I have time, there is no hurry. Let me tell you about the men on my hands for now; they actually stand a good chance with me, I’m not stringing them along, I have never made any promises to them. But hey, you know how it rolls!

He was a former colleague of mine. He never ever came on me, while we were in the same office but immediately, he moved to another company, he was like a rash, all over me, calling me every other hour to find out how I was doing, offering to take me to lunch, more that twice a week, telling me details of his life, even without my prompting. It was like having a best friend, you did nothing to get.

Henry is so overwhelming, he wants that exchange of history to come from me too but I don’t know how to do that or plan my weekend with him in mind or even start to open up to him about my life and future plans. I just don’t know how to and even if I did, I’m not sure, I want to arm a man with so much information about me, so no thank you.

Besides, our lunch dates, he wants to do dinner, he wants to do weekends out of town. I had to put a stop to it, before this guy puts me in trouble and he starts thinking, he owns me.

No way, I’m going to let that happen. At least, not yet. Did I tell you, he is also crazy jealous? Yes, the very worst kind, even of my gateman greeting me.

Now, this is my go-lucky fellow. I think, he understands the reason, why I don’t want to commit to someone just yet. He is the type of guy, I can relax with and have a really good time, knowing that most times, he will not put the moves on me.

But he does put the moves on me, like that time, he invited me to the beach with a few of his friends and one of his ex girlfriends. He introduced me merely as his friend, which I was thankful for, (no pressures, remember), it was only later, when we suddenly found ourselves alone, sitting on the sand and looking to the sea, did he say quietly, too quietly, “if only, you will allow me, this could be us for all times.” I looked at him and quickly scuttled away in search of the other members of our beach party.

Yes, I ran away but that was not the last time, he put the moves on me. Over all, Gbenga is one guy that I feel comfortable spending time with. He makes me feel safe, like a brother would, if I had one.

This is the crazy guy of the lot, I don’t know what pushes that guy o. He is so confident, in fact over confidence “dey worry dat guy.” On the day, we met, the bobo had seen me in one of our client’s office, where my team and I had gone for routine visit, and then he just walked up to me and in a not so, nice manner, cut me off my team and isolated me, placing himself firmly in front of my face and dwarfing me even in my 3 inch heels, and 5’8 ft height.

I was so irritated, first at the fact that I had to look up at this guy and secondly, why the heck is he in my face?! Just as I opened my mouth to let rip with my worst venom, he raised both hands and then I heard a sweet cool voice saying, “Hold off lady!” My body reacted immediately to that voice. I was melting like butter and he was not even touching me, just his voice.

I scampered out of that close contact with him. It was red hot danger. I practically ran out of the office, leaving behind my colleagues, who were still grappling with what they had just witnessed. They met me in the car and we returned to our office in swollen silence. I wasn’t going to talk about that encounter.

Two weeks, later, Tega was burning up my line with calls and messages, he was leaving messages for me on social media, and everywhere else, he could get my contact. I wasn’t happy about that but there was nothing else I could do. I ignored at first, but they got to me and I picked up my phone one sunday afternoon and as that voice poured over the phone, I found myself agreeing to watch a movie and have ice cream with him.

We watched the movie alright, had the ice cream and went on the have dinner, that his voice is the devil. Tega is danger on two legs, with him, I find myself taking actions first and asking questions later. I know it’s stupid but I can’t help it.

The only thing wrong is , he has never mentioned commitment and I can guess, he is a wandering soul like me, he’s still sampling and that’s exactly what I’m about right now.

We don’t see that often, all thanks to my restraint. I literally have to avoid his calls, because, once I hear his voice, I will give in. And he has an innately kind heart, not just towards me, it shows in the way he treats people, he may never meet again. He cares about people and I really like that about him.

So, those are the three “woods”, I got in the fire. Will I end up with one of them, I don’t know. Should I expect another to come? I really don’t know. Still sampling remember and it has nothing to do with cheating on any man, I just want the best for myself. Is it bad to watch out for myself, so I don’t get hurt?

Don’t bother with an answer, I know what my heart says.”

That was Stephanie’s story. Hope you won’t crucify her for cheating. Nothing wrong with looking out for one’s interest at all.

Love wisely!



Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.

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