Lilian is 38 years old educationist. She says “I’m extremely outgoing, patient, friendly, and helpful. I love to smile. I tend to go out of my way to help others.” Lilian likes “Baking, cooking, writing poems, going to comedy shows, trying different kinds of foods from different places, and travelling to tropical countries.” She says “I haven’t been on many dates. I’ve been focused on work, moving, and coming to terms with being divorced. I’ve been single for almost two years.” Lilian wants to date someone who is “low-key, friendly, adventurous, and funny.”
I met Bobby when I was trying a new dating site. I ended up texting back and forth with him a bit. He was somewhat reserved, but he was generally easy to communicate with. We both like to travel. We both like Thai food. He said he didn’t want to talk on the phone. He didn’t say why. That’s a mystery to me.
We decided to meet for coffee — tea, for me — on a Saturday afternoon. Being somewhat recently divorced, I told him that when I meet someone with whom I have a connection, I would be interested in building a friendship first.
I arrived 20 minutes early — I don’t like being late. A few seconds after I walked in, Bobby came up to me and introduced himself; he had arrived even earlier than me. That’s something else we have in common. We shook hands. No hug. That was fine, though. He kept looking at his iPad, and then at me. When I asked why, he said he wanted to make sure he was meeting the right person.
The vibe was OK. Nothing outstanding. He said I looked just like my photos. They are very current, taken within the last couple of months. He didn’t look like his photo, however. He looked a bit older. He had finished his coffee before I arrived, which I thought was somewhat odd.
He seemed very nervous. I tried my best to talk about things like friends, family, and our jobs. Every time, Bobby would change the topic to his cat, or his car. It was the same two topics the entire coffee date. I didn’t even have the opportunity to learn more about him. He didn’t want to talk about other topics, even our common interest of travelling. I told him I’m allergic to cats, and that I’m not a cat lover. Still, he kept talking about them, no matter how much I tried to change the topic.
There was no connection between us. He didn’t give me much eye contact while we were chatting. He kept staring at the iPad, showing me photos, and looking out the window of the coffee shop. I asked him what he was looking at, and he said he was looking at his car. He had a nickname for it. He said he had had the car for a long time, and that it was very loyal to him. I asked him why he didn’t want to chat on the phone prior to meeting. He changed the topic back to his cat. At one point he told me he was seeking a long-term relationship, someone who would like to get married.
Then he got up, the universal sign for being ready to go, and told me he was going to go home. I couldn’t believe it. We had only been sitting there for half an hour. I didn’t have time to get to know him, or have a real conversation, or even finish my tea. Our date had only been “officially” happening for 10 minutes…and it was over.
I did not feel that the date went well. It didn’t even really make sense. I thanked him for meeting with me, and said goodbye. It was very un-date-like. No hugs or handshakes were exchanged. He got in his car and drove away. I was so confused.
When I arrived home later that night, Bobby messaged me saying it was the best date he had ever been on since joining the site. He said he thought we had a lot in common. He invited me to go out again. I was even more confused.
I texted him that he seemed like a very nice person, but that I didn’t think we had a connection. I thanked him for his time, and told him I’m a very honest person and didn’t want to lead him on. I wished him all the best. He replied with one word: “OK.” We never contacted each other again.
Culled from https://www.thestar.com/