Dating Diaries: We Had Great Chemistry Online But Not In Real Life -Lisa’s story

Lisa is a 37-year-old salesperson.  She says “I’m university educated, with a good career, three great kids, many great girlfriends and a real passion for running. I’m about to run my second half-marathon.” Lisa has been single for 10 years, but says, “With young children, there really hasn’t been time to date up until now.” Lisa likes to see movies, go out for dinner, “or just have wine at home, and chat.” Lisa adds, “I have a wonderful support system, but I’m not sure anything prepares you for online dating.”

I decided to give online dating a try about eight months ago. I honestly had no idea where to start, but thought that paying for a dating-site service was better than using a free site. I’ve since found that one of my biggest pet peeves is guys who have spelling mistakes in their profiles. I was once matched with someone who worked in education but couldn’t spell. Cleverly written profiles are a huge bonus. I’m really looking for a guy who has his act together, is healthy and positive and active, and comfortable in his own skin.

At the outset of this online-dating experiment, I promised myself that the only way I could “put myself out there” was to be myself. I wasn’t going to lie about my age, or the fact that I have kids. If the men weren’t interested, I was OK with that. I wasn’t going to pretend to be someone I’m not for the sake of anything.

When I was matched with James, I was excited. He was in his 50s, had interesting hobbies and was attractive. Our online flirtation was quite lovely and warmed my heart. I would often wake up to texts from him. He texted me poetry, and would sometimes send the beautiful pictures he took. We progressed to the phone. I always made sure to ask him about himself, and how a situation at his job was progressing. Because our conversations seemed so authentic and spontaneous, I thought that the chemistry would spill over in our first face-to-face meeting.

I thought we would share a nice dinner somewhere, nothing fancy. Maybe a step up from a KFC  or Coldstone. I researched some options in his neighbourhood and was about to book a reservation, when, I checked in with him, and for the first time received an indication that James felt differently than I did when he suggested that we meet at a the a Pizza place. Honestly, I had been texting this guy for a few weeks, we’d even talked on the phone, and he wants to get a pizza? I was new to the online dating scene, so I guess I just assumed that that’s where people met for first dates.

I pushed the negative thoughts to the back of my head, and drove an hour into the city on a Friday night for our coffee “date.” Unfortunately, it was over before it had even begun. James didn’t look much like his pictures, for one thing. He was much heavier than his profile suggested. I’ve since learned that you can never really know when the pictures were taken. I paid for my own pizza and drink, to which James didn’t object. There was also no spark at all. We struggled for things to say to each other. When James did talk, he told me about other online dates he had been on. He also revealed that he had taken a taxi,  to the date, as his car was broken and didn’t drive.

After almost an hour, I dropped him off, and drove away thinking it had been a waste of an evening. I drove to my favourite restaurant, treated myself to my favourite meal and savoured the company of the chef instead of going home and thinking about James and the disappointment. I never spoke to James again.

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