Dating Diaries: Phew! Is This How All Men Are These Days? – Rosa’s story

Rosa is a 31-year-old personal shopper. She says, “My style is ‘classic, casual and chic.’” Rosa describes herself as “happy, nurturing, a good listener, friendly and stubborn” and says she likes to “walk, shop, volunteer, cook, bake, and spend time with my family.” Rosa is looking for someone who is “funny, interested in spending time with family, likes to travel, not cheap, healthy and in reasonably good physical condition.” She says, “I have had a lot of success meeting men online, but I’m still searching for that ‘special someone,’ as they say.”

I signed up for online dating after my divorce. Right away, I started getting a lot of messages from men. Ben and I met online, and he seemed like a good prospect. He was definitely one of the best options, as far as I could tell. I liked the fact that he lived near me, and seemed to be a hard worker and family oriented. We also seemed to have some common interests, which was nice. We agreed to meet at a local haunt on a Friday night.

After eating a light dinner, I got myself all gussied up for my first date in  years. As I was about to leave the house, I received a text from Ben, saying he would be delayed for an hour. When I arrived at the pub at the new time, I actually ended up waiting and wandering a bit for another 10 minutes, until he showed up. So far, he wasn’t living up to expectations.

Ben looked dishevelled when he arrived, in baggy pants and a scruffy jacket. We shook hands. He told me that he hadn’t had time to eat dinner, and wanted to get something at the one of the shops in the mall, we were in. There was only one place, so we headed in. There I was, a 30-something woman, on her first date since her divorce, under the harsh lighting of a fast-food joint.

I stood there as Ben ordered and sat across from him while he wolfed down his food, all the while texting with his kids. He didn’t apologize to me about how late he was, or about the change in plans, and didn’t make an effort to engage with me very much. My stomach was nervous to begin with, and the smell of the restaurant absolutely nauseated me.

Once he finished eating, we finally proceeded to the pub. He didn’t want a drink, so I got one and we sat down.
The conversation was awful. He told me that his ex-wife had hated sex, and about how much he loved to roll around on the floor with a woman. After telling me this, he looked me over and complimented my legs and breasts, and said that I seemed “strong,” and would be fun to roll around with. I told him that he would never have the chance to find out. It was very uncomfortable.

I have to say, I was shocked and dismayed that this was the new world of dating. I wasn’t sure if it was going to work for me. Was Ben an example of a typical man on the dating scene nowadays? I think one of the downfalls of online dating is that because you don’t meet through friends or work or a shared activity, there’s no real accountability for your actions. Maybe Ben seemed to say whatever he wanted to say because it was all so anonymous.

I went home after an hour, and had a glass of wine and thought about how it might not be that bad to be alone.

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