Dating Diaries: Our Chemistry Didn’t Translate Into A Great Date Night – Lara’s date

Lara is 26, works in finance. She says “I like a classic look, with lots of plain shirts, band shirts and jeans. If I have to dress up, I’ll put in minimal effort, and maybe wear a dress. I don’t wear makeup. I tend to look very tomboy-ish. I am a firm believer in not judging a book by its cover, so I’ve never put too much effort into how I look.” Lara is “an entertainer.” She says “I’m fun-loving, friendly, caring and a good listener. I’m also very driven and career-oriented, and I love playing devil’s advocate.” Lara likes “naps, eating and exploring.” She says, “I’m new to dating. I’ve pretty much always been single, with a few dates or casual interests here and there. I always like guys who are smart, caring and easygoing. I’m always up for an interesting conversation about recent events, or more ridiculous, absurd things.

I met Brian at a bar for our friend’s birthday. I liked that he was outgoing and was willing to talk to new people. He was my friend’s good friend, but I hadn’t met him before. He was the same age as me and really cute. My friends eventually left our little group and went to the bar for drinks, but I kept talking to Brian. I felt super-comfortable with him. At the end of the night he asked for my Instagram. He messaged me the next day and asked if I wanted to hang out that night. I had planned to stay in, so I invited him over for food, since I was already making some snacks. I’m trying to be more social since I’m at work a lot. I realized right away that I had probably made it into more of a date than just hanging out. I texted my friend that Brian was coming over, and she said that when you invite a stranger over, it seems like a date.


He was just like I remembered from when I met him in the dark, crowded bar: tall and handsome, well-dressed, amazing smile. I was wearing jeans and one of my oversized shirts with my hair a mess. I figured that if he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to stick around.

It was very awkward at the beginning of the “date.” My roommate was still there. That didn’t help the mood, but I wasn’t sure if Brian thought it was a date or not. There were a lot of awkward pauses in the conversation. It was comfortable to have him at my place, but it wasn’t as easy to talk to him as it had been at the bar. It was hard for even someone as social as me to deal with. I am a master of small talk, and I felt sort of paralyzed trying to talk to him, even though I was trying to act like he was a new friend. It got a little easier when we ate. We had a friendly, nice conversation. He was smart and polite. I found out that he’s into the local music scene, like me. I felt like we probably shared a lot of interests. I thought it would be cool to know someone who might care about the little hidden-away music venues in town. It would be cool to go to shows with him.

After we ate, I moved to the couch. Brian sat close to me. I didn’t mind at all, but it also made me wonder if he was trying to establish some kind of connection. Later on, my friends would laugh at how oblivious I was. I get it now. We talked a bit about his creative work. He was really interesting.

After another long, awkward silence, Brian put his hands over my hands, and ended up holding my hand and complimenting me. That’s when I knew that he definitely thought it was a date. That was fine, but was still a little new and strange to me. It felt more formal than what I was used to. Then he asked, after another awkward silence, if I wanted to go into my room. He wasn’t suggesting we do anything, and correctly pointed out that my roommate was coming in and out, and we could talk more easily somewhere private. I said no. He didn’t push it at all, though. I liked him, and I thought he was really nice. He seemed relaxed and happy to be around me. Despite the awkwardness, I wanted to get to know him better.

He went home shortly after. I normally hug people goodbye, but I didn’t hug him because I didn’t want to weird him out. Looking back, I know this was silly. After telling my friends about the night, they explained to me that I’m a moron about dating.

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