Dating Diaries: Not Exactly Dating…or Are We?



I remember when I met him! It wasn’t planned or anything like that, kind of sort of just happened. We began dating casually enough and it felt exhilarating, fun, exciting, and care-free! In fact I was glad it was light because I had recently ended a relationship and didn’t want the emotional responsibility of another serious relationship so soon. I’m not sure of the exact moment, date, or time, when my feelings for him began to change. I was starting to get excited in anticipation of seeing him, and would be disappointed if our schedules did not permit us to see one another. I just had so much fun in his presence and was just happy and didn’t have to worry or focus on the other issues going on in my  life. He didn’t bring up the possibility of more and neither did I, even though my feelings were getting more intense  as time wore on, and this was new to me because I was not one to fall hard for any man all.

One day after  we had been dating for several months, one of my girls asked what we were. You know , what are you guys doing? Are you “going together or not? “Well, I mean I guess I don’t know,” I replied. Technically we spent a lot of time together, but it was also pretty clear we were not in an exclusive situation. I knew my feelings for this guy were very INTENSE, but I also was seeing signs that maybe he was not ready for a relationship, so why force it right? I have never been one to be  unsure as to where I stood with a guy, so how was this whole “ What are we ?” conversation  supposed to take place? I remember casually mentioning to him the possibility of an exclusive relationship while hearing my mother’s words echoed in the back of my head, “ When it’s right you just know” . I pined for him and wanted him to commit willingly and not due to some crazy ultimatum on my part.

Looking back on that scenario I realized I had been grayed. Yes, grayed! Grayed essentially describes when someone puts you in the gray zone. You act like a couple/feel like a couple, but they have not officially claimed you nor you them. The Gray Zone is synonymous to torture if you don’t distance yourself. I say this because you will always feel something in the back of your head gnawing at you, prompting you to want more, and also prompting you to leave because the “Relationship “ has now become unbalanced. I’m not speaking of the “ get to know you “ phase where you are evaluating each other as potential suitors, I’m speaking of the “ You know that you like and want to be exclusive with this person” phase and wonder if he wants the same thing. You want something the other person doesn’t or is not ready to give. The Gray Zone can cause you to act crazy and become very raw emotionally. I find many many women in this zone time and time again. Men can be put in the gray zone as well, and quite a few have been there, but men just seem to be better at moving out of it faster. However, myself and many women I know have wallowed in this zone for months and sometimes years, hoping, wishing and praying this man will choose us! For all of those who have been grayed a time or two in their life, I say Learn the Lesson and Move on.

At some point you are worth more than someone’s gray zone, and after you have decided you can’t leave your fate in their hands any longer while they “decide if they are ready ” , you pack up your bags and leave.  Maybe, just maybe, you will meet someone who will fall for you at the same time that you fall for them.

Have any of you ever been in the “GRAY ZONE”? What did it feel like and what did you do?


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