Dating Diaries: It’s Sad But Sometimes The One You Want doesn’t Want You Back – Rose’s Story

Rose is a 41-year-old analyst in the financial industry. “I’m tall and like to be blond; I dress conservatively, but I have a couple of hidden tattoos,” she says. “I love travelling — Spain is my next destination — and exploring Toronto.”

“I’m a huge music fan and am constantly listening to something,” she adds. “While I have lots of dating stories to tell friends over cocktails, I’ve also had my heart broken and have had some really bad experiences. Ultimately, I’m looking for a relationship, but I’m not currently on any dating sites.”

A while ago, I matched with a crazy tall and decent-looking divorced guy on a dating app. While his profile was relatively sparse, Nathan mentioned a few mutual interests. I also liked that there were no bathroom selfies, pictures of his car or shots of him flexing at the gym.

We had a nice chat about things we like to do, holiday plans, the usual things. He asked what I had on the go for the week. I liked that he asked me specific questions.

When I asked him what he was looking for, he said that he’d been single for a while and that he thought it was time for him to “get back out there.” He said that he was looking for someone who wants to enjoy life and “have fun.” Usually “have fun” actually means “keep it casual,” but Nathan added that he wasn’t interested in hook ups and wanted to build something with someone. It all seemed very promising.

Within a couple of days of connecting online, we decided to meet for a coffee, even though he was about to leave for a work trip. It was all a little bit faster than I was used to, but I had nothing to lose.

Nathan was more handsome in person than in his photos. I’m tall and I still had to look way up at him. He steered me into the coffee shop and offered to get me something. I liked his physical presence and closeness, his ease and his confidence. When a few early things click, I can’t help but turn to optimism and think that maybe this one will work out.

Over the next hour we had a rather lovely conversation. He did as much if not more talking than I did, which I liked. As he talked about work and interests, my internal mental checklist was hard at work, ticking boxes. Enjoys his job? Check. Good relationships with his exes? Check. Sees his mom? Check.

Nathan said that I must intimidate a lot of men. When I asked why, he rhymed off a list of reasons: I’m tall, financially successful, confident, intelligent, independent. He said most men don’t like a woman to be more successful than they are and want to be able to rescue someone. I have to admit, he got a lot of points for that one. The implication, of course, was that he was different.

We both said we had a great time, and he asked to see me again. He was coming home from his work trip later in the week and he asked whether we could go out again the night he got back. We crossed the street together and he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was really excited.

Soon afterward Nathan sent me a text, which led to some banter. The next morning, I texted him and we sent flirty messages back and forth throughout the day. He was very attentive. I know the dating bar is set really low when a man simply asking how my day was seems like a big thing.

The texting continued, infrequently but steadily, while Nathan was gone. It was relatively organic and we were both being proactive. That continued for a few days, but one morning, I sent him a text continuing the conversation from the night before — he was the last to text — and referencing his arrival back in the city. No response.

A day before our second date was supposed to take place, I started to wonder why I hadn’t heard from Nathan when, before, he’d been steady in his communications. It’s those little moments, when someone you were pretty sure likes you stops communicating, that take up far too much mental energy. Was I planning our wedding? Hell no. Was I looking forward to a second date, and pretty sure he felt the same? Hell yes. Could he just be busy? Yes. Could it mean something changed for him and he was no longer interested? Yes. Was there any way I could tell which it was? Nope.

My friends tell me to just forget him, but unfortunately, sometimes the ones you want don’t want you back the same way.

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