Dating Diaries: I’m Tired Of Hearing “He Will Come When You Least Expect It”- Voke’s story

On Thursday I was walking to the supermarket to buy sanitary pads and chocolate. A fitting combination for that time of the month, but if I’m being honest, who really needs their period as an excuse to buy chocolate?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a familiar face running up to me. It’s this gorgeous woman who I often run into at my local coffee place. Whilst we’re waiting for our coffees, we’re usually talking about my dates and the man (or men) that I’m seeing.

I’ve been off from the studio and away from town, so I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks, but before I could open my mouth, she blurted out “Oh my god, what happened with that guy?!”

I had to stop for a moment to actually remember what guy she was talking about.

I told her what happened and the disappointed look was quickly followed by a pat on the back and words I hear all too regularly, “You’ll find him when you least expect it!”

Although it’s always a nice thing to say, I’m going to say I get this at least 10 times a week so please excuse me if I look cynical whilst you say it. I walked off and went straight to the confectionary aisle, where I purchased more chocolate than I intended and walked back to my car thinking that I really need to start writing about this.

I don’t want to settle down and have 7 children, actually, I’m not even sure if I want to get into a full on committed relationship where we change our Facebook statuses to show we’re off the market and then run off to get matching tattoos on our asses (as that’s what you do when you get a boyfriend, right?!). I know I have a lot of growing, changing and evolving as a person and I’m really wary of a relationship hindering that. Though it would be nice to have someone in my life.

My friend Cherie has been telling me for a while now that I need to start blogging about the stuff because she knows that you’ll love it. I often ring her up with a dating woe and our calls have quickly turned from business chats into strategy sessions of dealing with fuckboys.

I’m always a little wary about how much I put online as men have pulled gems out like “Well I read that article and now I know 8 things I should never do with you in bed” which make me awkward and die of embarrassment at the same time. That being said, if my articles inspire men to stop fingering you like they lost their keys in the dark, then my work for society is done and you can send me a present to my PO box.

I’ve always believed I’ve been blessed with my abysmal/colourful/interesting dating life for a reason – to write. There have been many highs, many lows and many stories that could form the basis of a season of a soap opera or potentially a new TV Show.

I’m unsure where this series will go, but I have many stories I know I need to share with you. Hopefully, the articles inspire you to date, potentially leave your sub-standard relationship or at least entertain you whilst you should be working (but you aren’t because you hate your job, but let’s talk about that later).

Culled from


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