Amanda is a 33-year-old small-business owner. She says, “My best friend described my look as ‘classy yet contemporary.’ I like fashion, but I like clothes that I really can’t afford.” Amanda says, “I think of myself as a social creature, but mostly unexciting, so I asked a friend and she said I am funny, creative, fun-loving and a little relentless. I would add that I am a risk-taker. I believe that if you don’t risk, you actually risk a lot.” Amanda likes movies, going out with friends and loves travelling. She says, “Finding recipes online has made me a more tolerable cook.” She adds, “I exercise because I have to, not because I want to. I don’t do it enough.”
I was single for four years when I met Peter. I had dated, and did have one relationship recently since my divorce. There is that: I’m divorced, not that I brag about it. Right now, I’m looking for a deep and meaningful relationship, that is healthy and monogamous, with someone I’m wildly attracted to, who I can fall madly in love with and then we grow old together. I don’t tell dates this. Instead, I tell them that I’m looking for someone similar yet different, someone who complements me and vice versa, yadda yadda yadda.
Peter and I met on online. He was handsome, successful and seemed self-confident. Maybe too self-confident. He worked as a salesperson. He was a bit younger than me, but still seemed like a grown man. Right away we communicated about a variety of topics — he was not afraid to jump in. We moved from messaging to talking on the phone fairly quickly.
He seemed very relaxed, and very charming. I had the sense he was used to dating. However, I noticed that he thought everything he said was absolutely correct — when I disagreed with anything he said or suggested, he accused me of being wrong. It was very intense. He didn’t ask me anything, and seemed to expect that I would just listen and agree with him on everything he brought up. I felt disrespected, but due to the awkwardness and strangeness of it all, I laughed instead of challenging him. I guess I was intrigued by how weird the correspondence was, in a way. Many men don’t ask questions, but this was another level.
We decided to meet up for a light lunch, and a walk after that. Peter told me he didn’t like my neighbourhood, so I suggested we meet somewhere in the middle. This felt reasonable to me. He was having none of that, and point-blank told me to come to his area of town. I agreed, and on the day of the date, took a long journey to his neighbourhood. It was such a long way; I couldn’t believe I had agreed to it. I remember thinking, should the guy not want to come to see the woman for the first date? Call me old school, I guess, but it was just one of many indications that everything had to be on Peter’s terms.
When I got to the bistro that he had requested for lunch, I texted him, wondering where he was. At that point he told me that he was out running errands, and would get there when he got there! I ended up waiting for quite a while, and he arrived with a few packages and groceries.
Right away, it was bad. As if it wasn’t awkward enough, Peter launched into a tirade about what was wrong with the world. Again, he didn’t make an attempt to ask me questions, listen to what I did say or even respond when I volunteered new topics. At one point, I mentioned that I was divorced, and how it was tough on me, looking for a way to connect. Maybe he had been through something difficult too. However, he didn’t say anything at all. I asked him why he wasn’t engaging with me on the topic, as it seemed relevant to the stream of things we were discussing, but he just said he didn’t know what that was like. I got the sense that he thought it was weak to ask questions or show interest in anything other than one’s own, already-formed opinions.
We ended the date abruptly. He was far more concerned with getting on with his day than with learning anything about me and my world. My head was spinning. I left and texted my friend that it was the worst date I had ever been on. I had never felt so demeaned on a date before, or since. After all that, I started on the long trip home.
I shouldn’t have gone for that date.
Culled from http://www.thestar.com/life/2016/03/12/dating-diaries-amanda-and-peter.html