Dating Diaries: How Being Superficial Kept Me Single – Tosin’s story

As I look back over the course of my life and the men that I have been dating and the ones that I dissed, dogged or simply ignored because I was so busy looking at the exterior that I didn’t take the time, to look at his interior, I have to wonder if I would be happily married by now. Although I know this to have been a problem in my past, I am still repeating the same patterns today, at 40 years old…

Ms. Too Damn Superficial…that’s me!There are men who I dated…one of which I was in love with and who I know loved me unconditionally that I broke up with because I felt that he was too old to NOT have his shit together. Many a friend told me that he just needed the right woman behind him to get him on track. My response was always, “I’m not THAT woman!” I was so busy looking at what he DIDN’T have that I ignored all of the qualities that he DID have and many of those qualities were ones that you would want in a life partner.

After I broke up with him, I got with my son’s sperm donor who HAD all of the material things that I THOUGHT a man should have but his character was messed up! Even after breaking up with him and having a child, my ex and I remained friends and he was even willing to take us BOTH into his life and raise my son as his own but, true to fashion, I turned him down, still believing that he had to have XYZ in order for me to get back with him. SMH!

Years later, after I had surgery on my foot, he took the train to my house (he still didn’t have a car), stayed the weekend, did my laundry, cleaned my house, cooked, rearranged my linen closet and hung out with my son and tended to me and I was STILL so stupid to be hung up on the things that he didn’t have, that I still didn’t give him the time of day while he was here, choosing to spend time in my room…watching TV and being dumb and ungrateful! And the crazy part of it all was that there was not ONE guy that I had dealt with that had all the things that I thought was needed in order for me to be with them, that I could have called that would have done what my ex did. Ain’t that some serious?

The moral to this story, for all of you who are out there in the dating cycle, looking for a man who has this long laundry list of what material things that you think a man should have in order for him to be THE ONE, learn from my mistakes. It’s not always about what a man has or doesn’t have but how well he treats you. If you can depend on him when things get rough, if he is willing to do whatever he can to make you happy, shows you that he cares and has a good character and a loving heart DON’T throw him out or discount him in order to waste your time with an irresponsible man! The ones that are fine, nice bodies, nice cars, houses, good jobs but are shallow,  are NOT the ones that you want to even waste your time on because all that glitters is not gold.

Don’t ignore the man who isn’t physically appealing to the eye, who may need to work out a bit or who may be doing “bad” at the moment. No one is perfect and neither are you! Give people  a chance and believe it or not, a man who is worthy of your time will prove it to you, Just be patient and don’t be superficial…like me!


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