Dating Diaries: His Proposal Was Unexpected and Unwelcome – Kanyinsola’s story

Kanyinsola is a 36-year-old project manager and single mom of two. She says “I dress all business, all the time. I shock people when I dress casually.” She’s been single for almost five years but says, “I get asked out regularly, but I always decline. I don’t have a lot of spare time.” Kanyinsola likes going to festivals and concerts and working out. She says, “I want to date someone who is a good role model and has family values and does what he says he’s going to do.”

I happened to reconnect with my first boyfriend, Evan, over Facebook. We started chatting, had a few long phone conversations and went on a several dates when I was visiting our hometown, where he still lives. He was charming and said all the right things and seemed more worldly and experienced than I remembered. Still, it was nothing serious. I live in a different city and am very busy with my kids and my job.

I came home one weekend for a visit, more to see my family than Evan. I was actually planning to end things with him — I liked him, but just wasn’t able to match his enthusiasm for the budding relationship, and the distance was too much. He asked me to meet him at a shopping plaza nearby.

I arrived, and we found one another in the crowd — and then he got down on one knee and proposed to me! I couldn’t believe it was happening. People were clapping and cheering, while I was silent and looking for an exit strategy. He put the ring on my finger and stayed down there, looking at me. The clapping slowed and complete silence overcame the plaza. I felt like a zoo animal.

I was dumbfounded, and nearly speechless. Evan got up and led me to a quieter area, and sat me down on a bench beside him. He told me that he loves me, and that he’s excited that we’re moving into this new life together and all about what we’ll do together in the future. I had yet to give him a response.

Finally I said no. My response was not what he was expecting. I had to say that, in no way, shape or form, was I prepared, let alone were my sons prepared, for this step. I didn’t know we were even a real couple, let alone at the point of getting engaged. He said that he knew that but that he thought we were meant to be. I gave him the ring back and attempted to leave, but he put the ring in my purse and told me to think about it. I firmly refused it.
I only saw him once after that. Believe it or not, I understand why he did it — he must have thought I had changed my mind — and I respect the effort. After all, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

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