Andrea is 39, divorced, works in communications and lives “near the lake.” She describes herself as “very outgoing, friendly and lively” and “fascinated by people — I love to find out what makes them tick.” Andrea likes being active, training for races and “working out with my personal trainer,” as well as hosting parties, studying history, and visiting new cities. Andrea says “I love having new experiences, but I feel like I could teach a dating class after all I have learned.” She’s looking for “a deep, meaningful and reciprocal relationship with someone.”
I look at online dating as a necessity. It’s just something you have to do if you want to meet someone. You can’t get discouraged. That said, I try to vet men as much as possible before meeting them. I Google them, look at their Facebook and LinkedIn; it’s “due diligence.”
I found myself without plans on a Friday night. Being alone on a Friday is not a big deal, but lately, I find myself alone too much. I’m still adjusting. My friend and I were going to see a movie but she cancelled at the last minute, so I started playing with a dating app. Rudy was very happy to connect with me. To be honest, he wasn’t my type, but he seemed interesting and quick.
Rudy had recently moved to towm to care for a relative, and I am a sucker for a “good guy.” He asked me if I had plans that night, and while I didn’t, I also didn’t have a car because mine was being serviced. Rudy said he would pick me up. I’ve never, ever let someone I didn’t know pick me up, but for whatever reason I said yes. Maybe it was the loneliness of a Friday night at home.
I asked him what we would do, and he said he would take care of it. He said he didn’t like “traditional” dates and wanted to do something interesting. I said that I was up for something non-traditional, as long as it didn’t involve heights or a special outfit.
He pulled up right on time. I opened the door and there he was, sporting a huge smile. I put out my hand to introduce myself, and he ignored the gesture. Instead, he asked if he could kiss me. It was at that point that I realized he was not “funny ha-ha,” he was “funny weird.” I said no, and he seemed disappointed. He asked me if he could touch my hands instead. Suddenly he seemed “funny super-weird.”
I was happy that my very large dog was there. I thought that if we could talk for a while, I could figure out a way to send Rudy home sans date. I already knew it wasn’t going to end well, and I was furious with myself for using such bad judgment just because I didn’t want to be alone.
Talking did not dissuade him at all from making advances. He continued to ask for my hands. I finally let him touch them. He closed his eyes as if to assess me. He opened his eyes and asked if I was in love with anyone. I said no, and wondered if he thought he was a contender.
I asked him what he had planned for our date, and surprise, he had nothing planned. I suggested we go for a drink. He rolled his eyes and told me that was so “typical.” I though that while it may be typical, his non-traditional date was also non-existent!
We finally left and went to a local spot. The conversation got weirder and weirder, with stranger questions and more analysis. He asked me to tell him a secret, and asked me what was my worst moment in life, and did I like to be touched, and what is my favourite position. He acted as though he was part of a different species that had knowledge that others, myself included, could not comprehend. He was so inappropriate and annoying. He asked me if I felt the chemistry between us, and I said firmly that I didn’t feel any connection whatsoever, and I was sure it wouldn’t change. He responded by saying that I was running away from him. I told him I would be taking an Uber home.
Rudy paid the bill and insisted on driving me. I agreed — the drive was short, even thought it felt much longer. Rudy took the opportunity to deliver a pitch about how awesome he was: a free thinker, a great lover. This is after a woman had unequivocally told him she had zero interest in him. Later, he texted me to say what an honour it was to meet me, and that we were very similar, and we owed it to each other to try another date. I never texted him back.