Couple Goals:How to Make a New Year’s Resolution for Your Relationship

4With the end of one year and the beginning of another, it’s about that time when people make their New Year’s resolutions. Since the start of each year presents us with a clean slate, January first is arguably the biggest day of the year for people to start off on the right foot and begin again, so to speak. But have you ever considered making resolutions with your partner?

“The first of the year is a mile marker,” says Veronica Vaiti, LCSW, the executive director and cofounder of the New York City Therapy Group. “It’s an opportunity to assess things and realign your values, a point of reference to take stock and inventory and ask, ‘as a couple, are we where we want to be?’”

If you’re going to make resolutions for yourself, it might be worth making it for your relationship, too. In doing so, you’re not suggesting that your relationship is broken, but every relationship, even the seemingly perfect ones, have room to grow and flourish.

So how do you do it?
For starters, it doesn’t have to be a formal sit down, explains Vaiti. “You can start with, ‘Hey, I have an idea. We had a great year and here’s how I want to have a better year,’ then list some ideas,” says Vaiti. Then go from there—with optimism. “You want to launch from a positive place so you’re landing is just as positive.”

What should you say?
“It doesn’t have to be entirely serious,” says Vaiti. “It can be anywhere from resolving to cook together more or being more aware of each other’s emotions at the end of the day or even resolving to do something crazy. It’s about enriching the relationship.”

Is there a key to making this work?
Yes—just like when you make resolutions for yourself, those that you make with your partner should be realistic. No one sets a resolution to be a multimillionaire by the end of February because, even if you play the lotto regularly, the chances will still be pretty slim. It’s not realistic and you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

“You need to manage your expectations with your partner,” says Vaiti. “It’s about setting up a goal and balancing the ideal with the realistic.” In other words, it’s about finding a happy medium, a place in which both you and your partner find comfortable and doable.

What if your relationship is new?
First, expect that maybe the person you’re with isn’t thinking too far into the future—and that’s OK. “In these cases, it’s best to go with a lighter touch,” explains Vaiti. “If it’s a new relationship there’s more insecurity and hesitancy, but you can still say it’s been wonderful while asking where we’re going to do for the upcoming year.”

Culled from http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2015/12/relationship-goals-2016

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