A woman nags for a mirage of reasons; when she is tensed up and frustrated, she lets it out by talking constantly and loudly..which is what we men consider to be nagging. Women often think we do not like to open up about our emotions and they have to over-compensate on our behalf. I have only spent a summer with an uncle whose wife was a nag, and I was very uncomfortable; in fact, I cut my holiday short and went to stay at an aunt’s for the rest of the long holiday. But she always had good reasons to nag; most times, we woke up and settled to watch TV or play games without performing any chores. Now, that I am an adult, I imagine how frustrating it is having a bunch of lazy teenagers living in your house, leaving everywhere tidy and just lounging. As a single man, I hate to have to spell everything out for my houseboy or gateman; and it gets frustrating when no one takes initiative for anything. So yes, sometimes women have reasons to nag; but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to deal with. Here are a few tips to help you keep your marriage going while you help your wife identify her stressors and deal with it
Understand why she nags
Issues like leaving your wet towel on the bed, throwing your socks around the house as you walk through the door, forgetting to take out the garbage or forgetting your anniversary might look and sound trivial to you, but they are not to see. Take the socks thingy for instance; to you, it’s just socks, right? Why can’t she just pick them up after you and put them in the laundry? To her, the house was perfectly tidy before you walked through the door and messed everything up, undermining the hours she put in, into ensuring that you came home to a tidy home. These minor and trivial slips to you, gets interpreted as a lack of responsibility or insensitivity to her feelings and undermining the efforts that she put in. It is not enough to conclude that your wife nags, try to understand her triggers. Sit down with her under a calm atmosphere and explain to her that your imperfections and tendencies to forget or untidy things, are not a reflection of your love for her, sense of responsibility or appreciation of her efforts.
Avoid fanning the flames
Returning verbal assault with harsh words, cold silence or physical abuse only fans the flames that would threaten to burn down the peace of your home. Have it as a rule in your marriage, that both of you would not be angry at the same time. So, when you see her tempers raised and her emotions running high, do what you can to calm her down. Making excuses, exchanging angry words or counter-accusing her would surely create more problems than the one she was trying to address in the first place. Trust me, women are like sponges; soaking up everything you said and did, as well as your mannerisms. Meet your nagging wife with a calm demeanor; not one that says ‘I could care less about what you are saying’, but one that says ‘I understand, I am sorry, we can make this work’. It is wise to get her to calm down, before addressing the issue. She is less likely to be argumentative and defensive when she is calm.
Of course, there are occasions when you have to stand your ground, no matter how much she nags on the issue. You are the head of the home and bear the responsibility for your family; so if she wants you to pay for an asoebi when you are trying to save for a project, please stand your ground. Try your best though, to make her understand why you are saying no, and why you think her request doesn’t serve for the interest of your family. Consider the issue carefully and if you are deeply convinced, then take a stand and stick to your guns. Of course, there would be moments of compromise when you let her have her way, just because she is your woman.
Have you tried holding a mirror up to your wife’s face as she nags? Or making a funny face, or doing something that catches her off guard and she can’t help but laugh? A compliment on how beautiful she looks when angry or running her hand down her face, as she is talking and pretending to be distracted by just how beautiful she is can work wonders. She would be taken aback by your act, because that is not the reaction she was looking for, and of course, all women love compliments. Use this distraction to calm her down, and make see that she is making a mountain out of a mole hill, or get her to explain what she thinks and feels to you; because you just might be the one making a mole hill out of a mountain. The key is to take off the tension and resolve the issues under a relaxed, calm atmosphere.
Motivate your wife to express herself in a more mature, clear way; and I am sure you would be having a nag-free, peaceful relationship.
All the best guys!
After years of floating in the dating wilderness, Obiora is happily engaged to his soul mate. He has been on both sides of the breakup spectrum, meaning he has dumped and been dumped. He has felt heartache raw and stinging, and has learnt a lot of lessons along the way.