Some years ago, I crash-landed into the deepest pit of my life; mentally, financially, emotionally and spiritually. Life, as I knew it was meaningless, and I had even contemplated suicide. However, like Oprah Winfrey once said; the good thing about hitting rock bottom is that you know the only way to go from there is, Up. Yes, there is no other lower level to go…so you just have to climb back up.
When I crashed, I finally had to make a painful decision to walk away from a bad situation and to do what’s best for my daughter and I. I was at the lowest point of my life and my heart was in a million pieces. However, today as I write this, I would not change a thing about my life. And yes, I really mean that. You see, the human mind was trained to go through challenges and to overcome, not to be subdued by it. We grow and get better when we get stretched far out of our comfort zone.
At rock bottom, you begin to question everything you have ever being told and the foundational beliefs of your life. Your fears, your motives, people’s motives…everything gets tested. I remember asking myself a lot of ‘why did I do that?’ , ‘why didn’t I do this?’ etc. You question how you attracted certain circumstances and people, why you failed, and how you should have done things better. It is at this point that true wisdom sets in and you are able to build from the ground up, sifting substance from shaft and making better decisions with a new perspective based on a new or renewed belief system, and a sense of clarity of purpose.
It is at rock bottom that you realize how far off from your life’s purpose you have drifted and that your life’s choices were not going to help you walk in your destiny. It is at this point that you truly look yourself in the eye and tell yourself the truth. I had gone really far from the life I dreamt about as a teenager. I wanted to be fulfilled and happy, with a good job and a wonderful circle of family and friends.
I realized how I had accepted mediocre treatment that I did not deserve…that no one deserves. I had stopped working and my life was centered around this human being that did nothing to make me happy. When I walked away from that terrible situation, I made up my mind never to accept mediocrity from myself or from anyone else in future. Since then, I have put in excellence in everything I do; at work, in raising my daughter, in my volunteer work in church, in my relationships with friends and family. I have also decided that I am happily single and it would take a fantastic person to change that.
At rock bottom, you face your true self and you realize your dis-empowering behavioral patterns which are only destructive in the long run. Until I hit my own rock bottom, I never faced the truth of how needy I was, and how I had built my world around an individual, and gave him the keys to my happiness. Now, when you put the keys to your happiness in someone else’s hands, they drop it every time.
Yes, Kenny hurt me and acted as an animal, but I wasn’t empowering myself. I had put myself in a position to be used, abused and disgraced. If you never get thrown to your lowest point, your negative behaviors and patterns go unchecked, you remain in denial, play the blame game and continue in such bad lifestyle. Hitting rock bottom tears the fabric of delusion from our eyes, and helps us confront our lives, just the way it is…no facade, no denials, no blame games. Only then, can we begin to take corrective measures and get back up again.
Hitting rock bottom has a way of helping us spiritually. Your ego is crushed and you are taught a new lesson on humility. You then realize that you do not know it all, and you can’t do it on your own. Ask anyone that is deeply grounded in faith today; something must have triggered the shaking off of lukewarm worship and replaced it with a dire need for a relationship with a Being higher than life itself.
When I hit rock bottom, I realized shamefacedly that I had trusted a man to fill up a need that could only be filled by God. I derived my sense of identity and purpose from being with Kenny, when I should have been secured and deeply rooted in God’s love. And men fail…every time. But God doesn’t have a track record of failure. So I tearfully collected my heart back from Kenny and handed it over to God. This is the reason why I am unmarried at twenty eight, raising a kid all by myself and still happy! Because, my identity and happiness doesn’t get defined by society’s status conferral; it is defined by God…and as long as I have a secure relationship with God, I am happy.
So, if you are going through the deepest valley of your life right now, know that it would pass. But ensure that you make good use of rock bottom, so when you do climb up, you climb, not to fall again. Wishing you the very best!!!