Self-Love after a breakup

ll_16So you were his #WCW every Wednesday or she always made you her #MCM every Monday (after Denzel Washington and Boris Kodjoe of course) and now, you don’t get that anymore. Hey! who says you can’t be your own #MCM and/or #WCW? You have to take care of yourself now. You have to love yourself…and the good thing about self-love is that, you know instinctively how to make yourself happy. Learning to love and take great care of yourself can be the most benefitting aspect of a breakup. You can resolve to take better care of yourself, after all no-body would do a better job at that than you.

Pamper yourself

Treat yourself like you got cold. Get plenty beauty sleep (yes, even if you are a guy), minimize work stress and indulge yourself. If you can’t remember the last time you went for a massage, now would be a good time to do so.

Nurture your soul

Make time each day for sometime relaxing, calming and soul-lifting. Go for a walk. Read the bible. Enjoy a steam bath. Read a book. Smell the coffee (and then drink it). Watch NatGeo Wild.

Take a break

Travel if you can afford it. Do something you have been meaning to do, but didn’t have the time to. Visit an old aunt.

Explore new interests.

As much as this is the end of a relationship you cherished, it could also mean the beginning of new interests for you. Going for new fun activities such as hiking, jet-skiing, yoga, aerobics etc. gives you a golden opportunity to live in the now, rather than dwell on the past. Doing something new and interesting also opens your mind to the possibility of new love ;)

Avoid self-destruction

There is no ‘better’ time to become an alcoholic or start a smoking habit, other than when you are broken hearted. When your heart is in a turmoil, temptations to temporally ‘feel-better’ through drugs, alcohol and cigarettes are strong. Guard against self-destructive habits, which might camouflage as escape routes in the beginning. Comfort food, also falls in this category. You do not want to be an impulsive eater. It is bad enough that a relationship just ended, packing on weight would hurl more blows at your self esteem.

Getting prepared for the future

Just because things look bleak now, doesn’t mean it would be that way for long. Yes, you would bounce back. Yes, you would fall in love again. and Yes, you do not want your next relationship to end like the past one just did. Consider this time of transition, a time to grow and be better. Evaluate the mistakes you made in the past relationship; what did you do that contributed to the end of the relationship? For example, if you realize that you had anger issues or jealousy problems in the past relationship, now would be a great time to start working on yourself. Doing a thousand things in the same way and manner would only produce one result. To change the outcome, you have to do things differently. In introspection, do you think you place value on money or looks rather than character and personality? Well, if that is the reason why you ended up burnt, maybe your priorities need a change.

It is easy to blame the other party for making us feel the way we feel after a breakup, but it’s good to step back and take a look at the broader picture. How did we contribute to the problems in the relationship? Surely, we had our own fair share of ‘wahala’. We also need to be introspective as to, how we pick our partners. Another key area is to examine how we dealt with the conflicts in the past relationships. Did we throw tantrums and hurt insults and demeaning words, and then storm out? Do we scratch and bite and throw things around the house, just before we start chasing our partner around with a kitchen knife? Examining the past relationships, is not so we can beat ourselves up, but to enlighten us about the bad choices that we made. If we are able to examine our choices and tendencies objectively, we are better able to correct those flaws and make better decisions in the coming future.