Shola and Timilehin had been dating for two years. Although, they were not ready to get married as, they was still a part of them that wanted to explore the world, before putting down roots, as they called it.
Right now in their relationship, Timilehin feels out of sorts. He can practically predict the next move of his girlfriend, although he has no doubts in his mind that he loves her or that she loves him, just that the spark is no longer there, simply put, the love is not shacking them again.
On the other hand, you have Timilehin’s parents, who though they are now grandparents, still play love. Timi’s mum would sit on their dad’s leg, it never mattered if they were in the public or in their sitting room, with her hand around his neck and hold a conversation, as though that was the most natural thing in the world. To her it was.
Timi grew up seeing his parents act lovingly towards each other and wanted it but it was not happening in his relationship with Shola, whom every in his family had accepted as his potential wife. He just couldn’t imagine Shola sitting on his legs in a public place and patting the back of his head, while they talked. His girlfriend was not a romantic fellow or may be, what inhibited her is the fact that she was still a girlfriend and not a wife.
Even knowing this has not dampened the hunger in his heart to put a spark in his relationship, a spring in his feet and most likely hasten the trip down the aisle. Unfortunately, this is not a challenge that only Timilehin and Shola face, in fact, it is not a challenge for only dating couples; it is even more common for married couples.
I decided to tap into the mind of Timilehin’s parents and you know the first thing out of their mouth is they dance together. They have a set of songs, oldies, I must add that they dance to, every once in a while. They don’t mind becoming a spectacle for their kids. And the truth is, their children have become used to the whims of their parents. They don’t even pay attention but it is one way that the grandparents have been able to keep the spark in their marriage. Besides, it is an opportunity for them to indulge their love for music and dance.
This couple also has a habit of reminiscing. Recalling the day they met, the friends they had in common. Their lives before the kids came and all the thrill back then. And you know what; their kids now have a habit of bringing up these stories, when they sense a tiff between their parents. Before you know it, they would all laughing and gisting, tiff forgotten.
Reminiscing helps break down walls that might have gone up in your relationship. Because then, you remember, you smile, the tone of your voice changes and you can view your spouse or partner the way you saw them, back then. Although, that was the end of my interactions with Timilehin’s parents on their relationship, there are still more sparks that you can use to put life in your relationship. Find some of them below:
Taking care of the little things that can put the spark back in a relationship like the goodbye/welcome home kiss, the ‘I love you’ at the end of phone calls and showing appreciation for the little things that your spouse does for you goes a long way.
Especially, when these little things are unexpected, tell me, when your spouse sends you a message that reads thus, “Hi Love, how are you doing? Don’t bother answering, I just wanted you to know that I love you and I’m thinking of you.” How would you feel? If timed properly, the message can come after you have been working for hours and still have a few more to go. What a relief that will bring to you. And of course, you look forward to see your love as soon as you get off work.
Some of the unexpected things you can do is; help out when it is not expected, especially, when you know they have had a long day at work. Afterwards, a massage might be a good idea, no matter how amateurish it might be.
The more we ask ourselves what we can do to appreciate our partners throughout the day, the more present we are in our relationship and the better equipped we are to keep it light and loving. In fact, our mantra should be, ‘what can we do for our partners?’ Not what they can do for us.
Flirting with your spouse was what you did before you started this relationship anyway, why stop now? One sure fire way, you can bring new life to your relationship is to flirt, make eye contacts, smile at each other, smile and laugh at every witty comebacks of your spouse.
You know, when you flirt, you feel good and you pass along the message to your spouse that you feel good with him/her. What a joy that is alone. Doing something that makes you and your spouse feel good at the same time.
Find time to be alone, just you and your spouse, without the distraction of social media, friends and family, children inclusive. It might not be something as grand as a dinner date, which is a good idea, or any date at all, it can as well be a walk around your neighbourhood. You can hold hands while walking and talking about some of the issues in your relationship, or better still, nothing too serious, just random incidents that might come up while you are walking. The choice is you. You can even decide not to talk but to just enjoy each other’s presence.
All these tips might not be easy to adopt but no one has ever said, relationships were going to be a piece of cake. What keeps it all going is the ability to see the big picture (love) and remembering the reasons, why you got into it in the first place. So, keep working on that relationship and you will reap the benefits in the end… a lifelong loving companionship.