A few nights ago, a young lady of 22 sent me a whatsapp message, wanting me to quell her concerns about her jealous boyfriend of 2 months, who had gone to see her parents that he wanted to marry her.
Honestly, I have no problem with that. She is a pretty young lady in her prime; guys were going to come for her, both desirous and ineligible bachelor. However, I was worried about the subsequent revelations of the lady. She was worried that her boyfriend in spite of having shown himself to her parents could still change towards her, as he had already starting to show.
She told me, he monitored her movements, asked her to delete numbers from her phone; he didn’t like her explanation of how they got there. He regularly went through her phone himself, deleting stuffs; pictures, text messages and contacts. They were even some phone calls she couldn’t take in his presence, and everything she did or did not do was subject to complaints.
My brothers and my sisters, honestly, I was surprised she couldn’t see the signs of an abusive relationship right in front of her eyes. What broke my heart the most was her belief that if she did not marry him, then, she would be losing in a big way. I tried to make her see reasons, why she’s got her whole life spread out before her and she need not compromise it, just for the sake of a guy, who is so insecure and could even be abusive in the future.
I suggested she take a break from the relationship to think, but she was more worried about him taking her back than her own emotional health. Every time, I messaged her afterwards, she told me she was still thinking about it.
Sincerely, I hope she finds the courage to let go of this guy, and move on with her education, expand her territories, before tying herself down like that. I thought and realised that her heart was screaming that something was not right in her relationship, hence she reached out to me, but she isn’t listening, at least yet. For the sake of the other single babes and bachelors out there, here are some signs to show that you are really with the right person.
- You don’t want to change them
You know, you are with the right person, when you don’t want to change them. Maybe your partner is a bartender, and you wish they were a lawyer instead. Maybe they tell dry jokes, you don’t like. Maybe you find yourself wishing they would cut their bushy hair already. Big or small, it doesn’t matter; if you’re hoping your partner would be some way other than exactly the way they are, the way you met them, you’re probably with the wrong person. Conversely, if you find that you accept them for who they are and support their endeavours, whatever they may be (and inwardly squeal with delight when they do the little things that make them unique), you’re probably with the right person.
In the case of the young lady, that messaged me, she wanted her boyfriend to change and was even scared of him changing in the wrong direction.
- You’re willing to overlook petty things go
I read somewhere that if you’re in a good relationship, you’re more likely to be able to keep your mouth shut about little things bothering you about your partner, because you know how good the relationship is and the fact that they always leave their boxer shorts on the bathroom floor or have a dog that, you are just learning how to love is not a deal breaker. I think that’s true; a person’s quirks are part of what make them who they are, and socks on the floor are actually not a problem. However, if you’re not happy, anything and everything can become a problem.
- You want a good relationship, not just any guy
We get involved with people for a million reasons — some prudent, some less so. It’s totally legit that sometimes you just fall in love with someone, and love them a lot and really want to make it work, but it doesn’t just click because the two of you are vastly different people and want seriously different things out of life. That is totally OK. It happens. Now, this is where it really comes down to priorities. If your priorities are more along the lines of “I want to be with this person because they make me truly happy and vice versa,” you’re on the right track. If not, you might as well check out, before you go in, too deep.
- The sex is great!
It might seem weird, but sex is one reason, people stay in bad relationships. They are wondering if they would ever have better sex with anyone else, ever. The good news? It’s just a fear! There would always be better sex out there, with someone with whom you truly relate with on all levels. Just imagine, if you’re capable of that kind of great sex with someone, who’s not quite right for you, what would it be like with someone, whom you connect with on every level, fireworks right?? Yes, it’s out there, go for it.
- You have an instinctive feeling that, the person, you’re with is the wrong person
This pretty much sums it all up. When you are with the wrong person, you would know. Unfortunately, you might not know, you knew, until later. You will agonize over the relationship often, and say stuffs like, ” I didn’t know what I wanted” and ” I need to clear my head” and struggle and puzzle and question. Much similar to the way, the lady in the preceding story feels right now. She knows something is not right, but doesn’t know exactly what and is afraid to take a step.
If you’re doing all of that all of the time, guess what? It’s wrong! I remember asking a friend how she knew her husband was right for her, and she was like, “I just know.” Hate to say it, but that means that if you don’t know, you probably know it’s wrong. Just feeling like you don’t know is a pretty good sign it’s not working.
If that is the case, some soul-searching is in order, because truly relationships should bring joy — not constant confusion and indecision and worry.
If you find that you are not with the right person, kindly speak to your legs. It doesn’t matter, if you leave your heart behind, it will continue to beat and find its way home later. But first, just go!
Cheers to the right relationship!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.