Much the same way that men have questions about how to please a woman, so also women wonder, about how to be the best girlfriend, and spouse, to a man, so he is not tempted by any other woman he might meet, but has eyes only for her and her alone.
Well, ladies you are in luck today as our taciturn men are speaking about what they seek in an awesome girlfriend, who will eventually end up a wife, as soon as they get their act together. Well, that is the truth. Delay in getting married is sometimes not because the lady in question isn’t okay but because the man involved is not ready yet. That’s all. So ladies, stop worrying too much.
Back to the gist of the matter; the men have spoken, both in our community and a few male friends of mine and all I’m just doing is bring you their thoughts. Hope it will help you snag that man you have been eyeing or maintain your position in his heart. Here we go:
- She must be intelligent
You can forget all the “other room” comments. According to Biodun, a member of our community, having a girlfriend who is intelligent, is a keeper for him. Hear him: “I don’t just want to be in love with her body, which is important. I want to fall in love with her mind too. I want to see her write me love poems that I would cherish. I want to see her negotiate terms that make me proud that she’s my woman. While I want her in the other room, I want her to fit into my life in the other rooms too. Sorry, no bimbo for me and that is not a person’s name.”
I guess, now you know, it requires more than beauty to catch the attention of some men. To keep it, it? Intelligence is mandatory.
- She is sensual
While we are still discussing the “other room”, James is so interested in a sensual woman. You know that kind whose mere presence stirs him. Now, this doesn’t sound like a trait to him, and I said as much to him but his views were, “Kristine, you know that there are some women you see, who can put you off sex for life. They have no sex appeal; they don’t make an effort to be sexy or anything resembling it. A lady like that and I can never have anything in common ever. I want to look at my woman and feel her sexual vibes and if she is able to read my vibes too, all the better. Just in case you don’t know, that helps a lot, when you are angry with each other. The sexual energy takes the edge off your anger.”
Hope you are learning something ladies.
- She respects me
Now, we are getting to the meat of the matter. Men can survive on respect alone. And it is simply because they are egoistic beings. If you know Seun, who is a friend of mine, you would know he is a proper gentleman. He goes out of his way to help people and always, I mean always, defers to ladies.
But respect is food for him. His words were, “My girlfriend must respect me, otherwise, I will wonder why we are still together. I mean, what’s the point, if she doesn’t respect me. Respecting me means that she takes the time to listen to me, even if I’m shouting like I tend to do at times.
See, a great girlfriend will keep major disputes private rather than taking you down in public. She’ll make an effort to see things from your point of view (provided you do the same for her). The key here is that the respect is mutual, as it’s very hard for one of you to respect the other while feeling disrespected. The golden rule respect is reciprocal works so well here.”
- She lets me be the man
“I’m a man! I’m the man in the relationship and nothing can change that. My girlfriend’s job is not to takeover my responsibilities in the relationship. Her business is to let me be the man. Let me lead, not take the initiative and merely tell me later, as an afterthought.
I don’t want a girlfriend, who thinks I’m wasting my life watching football or one, who thinks, I should cut down on my drinking, even if she means good. Or worse, one who thinks my friends are not good enough for her or me.
In fact, we would have no business together very soon, if she feels that way about me or my habits.” That was Emmanuel expressing his thoughts about what he wants in a woman.
- She loves me
T.J’s needs are pretty simple, but he believes if a lady has this trait and it is directed solely at him, then every other thing is settled. “You see, women don’t know how to hide their feelings. What they don’t say, they will act. So, if a lady loves me, it will show in her actions towards me. She will look out for my best interest at all times.
Care for my needs, physically, and emotionally. This love will come through in the everyday things she does for me and that is all I crave; the love of a good woman. Once there is love, every other thing can be fixed.”
- She gets along with the people who matter to me
Alex seems to be toeing the same path as Emmanuel, as he said his girlfriend must make an effort to get along with his family and friends. Else they are going to have a hard time together.
Making an effort shows she cares and is willing to accept the people in his life as he see them, without any urge to change them or him.
- She’s Independent
No one gets into a relationship to be a babysitter. “If she’s had a rough day at work, it’s great to be her shoulder to cry on. But if she can’t seem to function without you, you’ll eventually suffocate, and if you’re smart you’ll run for the nearest exit.
Independence is key to a happy relationship, for both the man and the woman. I like a woman who depends on me, but one who can function well, without using me as a crutch. I’m not an enabler at all. I don’t do needy or clingy woman. I do strong women, because… mehn…I’m just too old to baby sit an adult and a woman at that, with all their drama.”
You want to date me, be ready to hold your own shikena.” That was Tim, giving his two kobo to the list.
Like I said before, I hope this list of traits of an awesome girlfriend helps even one lady.
Men, feel free to send in some more traits that you would like to see in a lady.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.