“If a man touches you, you get pregnant.”
If you have ever heard that statement, said to you or being said to someone close to you, just nod and smile, we are all members of the same club. The touch-and-get-belle group.
We all grew up with some firm beliefs about what sex is, how it should be done and who to do it with. It all starts from when our mamas try to educate us about sex. Let’s just say, even allowing us to witness animals mating and giving birth would give us a clearer picture of what sex is like. But then, our mamas were just doing their jobs, they best way, they can and protecting us from early exposure to sex.
It worked for some of us, who even after learning the truth, stayed off boys and unnecessary touching and didn’t work for some of us, as curiosity got the better of us and we all know the history.
What we believe about sex starts from the very beginning of our lives, what we see and what we hear. All of which, we unconsciously carry into our relationships. Sometimes, we are able to unlearn and learn new things and sometimes, we are stuck in a sexual rut.
As we will be talking about sexual myths, here are a few myths about sex, that one should really have no business with, especially in this 21st century. Here we go:
Men are always ready
In spite of what many people think and believe, men are not created to perform on demand. They are not robots, even though, they sometimes believe it themselves. Sex doesn’t just happen. A man might be tired, worried, distracted or have some feelings to work out about something ― including you.
Plus, as men get older, they may need direct stimulation to the penis before and during sexual activity. So stop waiting for your man to always be the one, to ask for sex. Do the turning on.
Sex isn’t all about you, it’s about mutual pleasure. Ask your man what gets him turned on and then do it as an active, engaged partner.
Sexual infidelity happens because something is missing
Not necessarily, so forget the scenarios played out in movies.
While some people do have affairs because they feel they’re not getting what they want in their relationship, it’s not the only reason, people have affairs.
Many perfectly happy partners have affairs simply because the opportunity presents itself. Factors like availability, ease and minimal risk are all factors that can lead to ‘opportunity affairs.’
Some people are more likely to act on impulse.
You must orgasm, for it to be really sex
I think, some people get this, but there are still lots of people, who don’t. There is more to sex than having intercourse and achieving orgasm. If you believe this myth, then, it’s time to get creative and realistic about what sex really is about. Sex is kissing, hugging and sensual massage. Sex is oral stimulation, manual stimulation.
Sex is talking dirty, reading romantic movies and getting turned on, (not porn oh, it sets up for a big letdown), role play and sharing fantasies. When you broaden your concept of sex, lessen your pressure, you will increase the enjoyment and pleasure, you will get from it.
Vaginal orgasms are easy to come by
Since we are still talking orgasm, let’s talk about our beliefs about how it can be achieved.
Even in this age and time, with Google just a click away, some people still hold on to the idea that vaginal orgasms are easy and readily available.
The truth is, most women require a lot more than penetration to climax. Romance novels do not tell you the truth, some sort of clitoral stimulation is needed to reach climax.
The notion that strictly vaginal orgasms are the norm puts a big strain on the couple. It leaves the woman feeling frustrated and the man feeling inadequate. A quickie will rarely be the way to achieve the big O, it just comes with the feel good factor.
Mismatched libidos can break a relationship
This is a common concern for most partners. They feel frustrated that their partner isn’t living up to their sexual expectations. Some even issue ultimatums, “Have more sex with me or we split.”
Well, the truth is, most couples, who have been together for a while can attest to the fact they, they don’t always feel sexual desire at the same time but are they still together, of course.
So, having mismatched libidos doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail. What’s important is having a discussion with your partner about how often you want or need sex.
You also need to recognize that your wants may be different. If you have extreme differences in how frequently you want sex, it would be in both of your best interests to talk to a professional who can help sort through differences and come up with a good working plan to help both people feel satisfied with the amount of sex you’re having.
Sex should be HOT in the beginning
Personally, I have come to realise that, this is not necessarily so, rather, it gets better, hotter, as you get to know each other and each other’s sexual fetishes.
Many people, who are dating believe that their first time with someone new should and will be mind-blowing. In some rare instances, this may be true, but most likely; it will be just OK or good. That belief sets you up for disappointment.
For most, sexual chemistry develops over time and then deepens into the mind-blowing states. This is because amazing sex takes truly knowing another person and knowing them sexually.
If you have never had sex with someone before, obviously you don’t know what they like, need or how you two fit together. Plus, both of you are probably a bit nervous and have put some pressure on how the event will go.
If everything was perfect right from the get-go, it wouldn’t leave many areas to grow together. Growing together is what truly bonds people, not necessarily the sex.
There, six myths, you can boldly let go now, because you already know the truth.
Have more fulfilling sex and stay in love.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.