They were having another shouting match! Chibuikem and Ifunanya were talking at the same time, gesticulating wildly and none listened to the other. This has been the trend in their relationship for the last six months, and it was growing worse by the day. No week went by, without the engaged couple having a major blow out. They would go into the kiss and make up, but the vicious cycle remained.
It was so bad that both partners had questioned if they indeed loved each other enough to warrant them getting married. There were times Chibuikem avoided his fiancee’s home, to be in the safety of his friends, at least with them, no one would be nagging him and asking 1000 questions at the same time, and expecting him to provide answers to all of those questions. Ifunanya, on her part, felt her beau was being so macho, he was not listening to her. As you can see, both partners blamed each other for the situation.
But the truth is, we ladies go into relationships, with habits that we have formed, some learnt from past experiences and some from mistakes, but in all, we still have those habits, and they would affect the relationships we build. Those habits either draw our men into our arms, or drive them away. There is obviously something that Ifunanya is doing to drive her man into the arms of his friends, and maybe some other lady, but before some other lady makes the same mistake, here are five ways we ladies drive our men away, consciously or unconsciously.
- Not Talking
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Closed mouths don’t get fed?” Well, it is so true in relationships.
If you are interested in your relationship growing, you cannot afford not to speak up when you aren’t so happy with something. If there is something that your partner is, or is not, doing that makes you mad, sad, or you want them to start doing something, you need to speak up. Or how else will the behaviour change, if you don’t say anything?
Besides, keeping those feeling locked inside will only make things harder later, because you will start to resent your mate and that can only lead to a big blow up later. By speaking up, you’re basically saying, “I care,” and if they, in turn, care about you, then they will appreciate you making the effort to work on what you have going.
- Your word, your bond
Your word is your bond. There is nothing that makes someone not trust you, like not keeping your word. If you say you’re going to do something, then do it. There is no other way around it. Once your partner can’t depend on your word, he or she will stop depending on you.
That was a major problem, Chibuikem had with his girl. She would always forget what she said she’d do. And every time he reminded her, then the story would change to, how he loves her only for the sake of the things she said she was going to do. Long story short, they were back screaming at each other’s throat. Unfortunately, Ifunanya has no qualms about reminding Chibuikem of things he had promised her, should he fail to deliver on time. Talk about what’s good for the gander not necessarily good for the geese.
- When you don’t say, “I’m Sorry”
If you are unable to say, you are sorry in a relationship, it is going to be a major issue, because two people relating with each other on a daily basis, will invariably hurt each other, and saying sorry and meaning it, is one way to keep things moving along.
If you have done something wrong, say it and apologise. You have to be able to apologize when you make a mistake and no, not that type of sorry that says, you’re not sorry after all. Say the type of sorry that ends an argument.
Make sure that when you apologize, it is heartfelt and that you know what you are apologizing for. Remember, you can’t go through a relationship not owning up to your mistakes or actions.
It all boils down to the habits we have picked up along the way, some good, and if you have picked up the habit of not apologising, then you might as well be saying bye to your boo, before you know it. Or worse, you act as though you don’t know you have bad habits.
- The “It’s All About “Me” Attitude
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it isn’t all about you in your relationship. Your partner’s feelings and needs, both emotionally and physically, matter. If they are not getting any of those needs satisfied, they might as well be on their own. Two people can’t be in love with one person, all the time.
In the early stages, you might feel the need to have your man worship the ground on which you walk , but as time goes by, the relationship should evolve into a give and take situation, not just a collection venture. If you are in a relationship, and have an “It’s all about me” mentality, then get prepared to loose your mate eventually, as he will grow tired one day and run, or someone else might just show him what a true relationship is all about. Then, he will dump you and move into the arms of glory.
- You’re pessimistic…all the time
This is like the best way to chase a man away. No joys, no laughter, just the perfect expression of Debbie Downer. You won’t have to do it for long, before your man leaves. Every thing he says is viewed through the eyes of a pessimist. He will stop talking to you soon, and find someone else to talk to.
If you are always negative about everything, it will have a negative effect on your relationship. Babe, everything can’t be bad! There has to be something positive in your life…find it and focus on it!
Phew!!! Quite a lot to think about there. Some ladies might be doing one or two things on this list already. Well, now you know it’s time to stop, if you really want your relationship to stand the test of time, and if you don’t do any, then there is no need to get started.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.