In Kelechi’s mind, Tony was a Greek demigod. He was not only handsome, fair-skinned, and blessed with gorgeous hazel eyes, he was also toned physically. The best part was he was also a very nice and considerate person, who never let his obvious physical beauty get into his head.
He was perfect, as far as Kelechi was concerned. Their meeting had been innocent enough, but it still stayed with Kelechi. Tony was a neighbour, or rather, his business was located beside Kelechi’s house and he was a regular customer of her mother’s, who ran a mini mart from their house.
He always came around to buy stuff, and sometimes, even stayed back to chat with her mom on general issues. It was in that shop that Kelechi met and fell in love with that Adonis, and he was the standard against which she measured most of the men who came into her life, even the man she is now married to. And often times, they always fell short.
Was she in love or lust, or just obsessing over Tony? You could say it’s a bit of all three emotions, but one thing was sure, it was not wholesome. It took her a long time to realise it was not healthy, and she was actually hurting herself with her crush on Tony, who only saw her as a younger sister back in the day.
Now, Kelechi often wonders what she saw in him, even though he is still very handsome and has aged quite well.
Kelechi went through the processes I’m about to list below, in no particular order, but it helped her to get over her obsession with him.
Distract yourself with a hobby or something:
This is a tested and tried method for Kelechi, who found that her best distraction was to punish her obsession with physical exercise.
Whenever you begin to obsess, transplant a different thought or action into your schedule. For example, like Kelechi did, whenever you begin to obsess, tell yourself you will do 20 crunches or push-ups.
Soon, it is either, you will either be looking for reasons not to think about him, or you will be working toward a six-pack and tight ass!
Remind yourself he has flaws too:
No one is perfect, but it can be very, very easy to end up looking at your crush, or your ex, through rose colored glasses.
That was the reality for Kelechi. Tony was perfect, everything he did was perfect; his laughter, his smile, the way he squintedx his eyes. He was just perfect. That’s dangerous, because no one is really perfect.
She conveniently somehow managed to ignore all the things he does, that her mom, who has known him longer and spends more time with him, finds annoying, and instead focused on everything he’s done that have made him the perfect guy.
News flash – you’re not giving yourself the whole picture if you’re only looking at his awesome features and not the flaws.
It might feel mean spirited to sit down and make a list of the reasons someone isn’t that great. However, sitting down to write exactly what is not so great about him can make you realize that you’re putting him up on a pedestal, and that he’s not actually the perfect man you think he is.
Cut off communication with your obsession:
Okay, let’s be honest – even if you’re desperately waiting for him to call, no girl wants to pick up on the first ring and make it to look like she’s been waiting by her phone. When you’re always available and accessible to him, when you’re always reaching out and trying to communicate, it puts the power in his court.
It means he gets to communicate whenever he feels like it, because he knows you’ll always be there on the other end.
To get over Tony, Kelechi stopped staying at her mom’s shop when he was likely to show up. It helped a lot when school resumed and she was occupied, but then, her mom saying, “Tony asked about you today oh” meant a lot to her at the end of the day.
Alternatively, if you’re texting him a hundred times a day, it can be tough to tame your obsession because, well, he’s always there! But it is not impossible.
Give yourself a break, your will can withstand a self-imposed communication ban.
Biko, don’t “stalk” him on social media
This is a current reality, so we have to talk about it. If you are obsessing over someone, and most probably know how to find his social media profiles already, even if you’re not ‘following him’, unless, of course, he happens to be one of those rare people who never use social media, in which case, you’re lucky.
This may seem like a familiar scenario to many of you – you tell yourself that you’ll just take a quick peek at his information, but before you know it, you’ve spent hours going through all his posts, saving a few of his best pictures on your hard drive, and memorizing his previous girlfriends’ names.
Unfortunately, stalking someone on social media is one of the quickest ways to fuel a budding obsession with that person.
Have you ever heard the expression, “out of sight, out of mind?” Well, if you want to stop this guy from unknowingly invading your brain at every waking moment, stop looking at his pages.
If you must look occasionally, limit yourself to a once-a-week.
There are plenty fish in the sea:
While, I hate the phrase ‘plenty of other fish in the sea’ probably as much as you do, there is some merit to it.
When you’re obsessing over a guy, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that he’s somehow the only guy out there for you, that if things don’t work out you’ll be alone and miserable forever. That is total crap.
Stop! Breathe! Take a look around! Who do you see? Tons and tons of guys out there, and please don’t tell yourself they are not meant for you, There is no one man that is meant for only one person, and if you say they are Mr. Wrong, do you remember that joke, about dragging Mr. Wrong to the right lane? Well, that’s an option.
This is not to condone cheating in a relationship, because there are issues. No. Neither is it for you to start obsessing about a new man, or a man who doesn’t even know you exist, as this is just a pure waste of time.
Take a moment to consider that he’s not your only option in the world – there are plenty of other guys out there. So, if things don’t work out with your current guy, it’s not the end of the world.
You will move on, find someone else and fall in love.
Kelechi did and you can.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.