“I think you are spending so much time with this Mrs O. You do school runs together, spend hours chatting in the morning and then you come home and you are chatting with her all day on the phone. What’s happening oh? This friendship isn’t healthy again.”
That was Mr K complaining about his wife’s friend, Mrs O, whose child has transferred to the same school, as Mrs K’s children, of course, it was courtesy of the latter’s suggestion. They were now practically joined at the hips, talking endlessly that Mr K felt, it was now affecting their home.
The friendship between the two mums may be quite innocent but since it has started to affect one of their relationships, then it may be termed one of the teeny tiny habits, or like I prefer to call it, the little foxes that destroy a relationship over time.
The mums’ friendship is not the problem, even if it may be unhealthy. What the challenge is the fact that Mr K finds it offensive and if his wife doesn’t strike a balance between her friendship with Mrs O and how distasteful her husband finds her friendship, then, there might be issues in her relationship with her husband, which can be out rightly traced to her friendship with Mrs O.
You may be wondering why a friendship between two women can be such a big deal…well, it is a big deal if Mr K feels it is.
Apart from friendship outside the marriage, there are other teeny tiny habits that can destroy a relationship over time and we talk extensively about them in this article.
Lack of touch
It has been scientifically proven that women need at least 13 types of touches daily.
If you rarely reach out and touch each other or have reached the point where you only have sex on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries and vacations; then you need to talk about the issue unless you don’t mind a sexless, passionless marriage.
The truth is, you don’t have to be having sex every day to be considered a healthy couple, but some kind of near-daily sexual or erotic acknowledgement is important in relationships.
It is not always about orgasms and getting hot and sweaty…sometimes, the slightest touch is all you need.
Touching is especially important in a long-term relationship. It serves as a reminder that they still find each other attractive.
You don’t help your partner around the house:
When your spouse is responsible for the lion’s share of the laundry and cleaning, it’s bound to create resentment and hinder your connection.
In fact, a study from the University of Alberta found that couples who didn’t split chores had less relationship satisfaction and less sex than couples who divided up their chores.
The question of who’s tidying up may not be a big issue at the start of a relationship but it tends to become a major point of contention later on, especially when you add children into the mix.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the clean one or the messy one, what matters is whether or not the clean partner and the messy partner can clean up together once in a while.
The matter of who does what in the house is so important that, resentments can build over time, so it pays to have an honest discussion about your priorities regarding the orderliness of your home.
If one of either of you is not particularly into the domestic scene, then getting help is the way to go.
No matter how long a couple has been together, none of the partner wants to feel like, their partner doesn’t see them in a romantic light.
The Roommate mentality is definitely one of the silent but common relationship killers.
You know for sure, you are now roommates when you are both living parallel lives and are connected only by the fact that you live in the same house; possibly, you have money together and children. Otherwise, there is nothing that says you are a couple. This kills a relationship faster than imagine, if the mentality is not arrested before it gets out of hand.
One way to get out of this rut is to be deliberate about shaking things up. Couples make a concerted effort to spend time together by working on a passion project as a team.
Not letting of past mistakes:
Do you ever wake up in the morning and the first thing you remember is how your partner messed up yesterday? Maybe they forgot to do something you wanted them to do. Maybe they were cranky and took it out on you. Whatever happened yesterday and every day before that, rather than replaying it in your head, could you let it go?
Well, you can let go if you really want to. Each day, you can determine to let whatever happened in that day to stay in that day and for you to move on. Honestly, women are more prone to keeping scores but you can do it in a way that will not destroy your relationship at the end of the day.
End the judgment, the expectations, and the resentment that kill your relationship daily, so that you can have all the joy of your relationship.
Mimicking other relationships
Often we try to mimic the relationship of others. Maybe we think that there’s a right way and a wrong way to do relationships, so we try to figure out the right way and copy that.
Or, maybe we see a relationship that is working well and we decide that they’ve figured it out and we try to duplicate what’s working for them. This only leads to frustration and more judgment of you and your partner because your relationship will not be like anyone else’s. You need to do what works for you.
And that involves finding out what works for both of you first and how that works for your relationship.
If you don’t want to end up on frustration avenue, do what works for you.
Relationships are hardwork but they pay off really well, thus the need to watch out for the little foxes that can degenerate your relationship over time.
Stay in love folks.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.
2. Daily Mail