Even in this age, where men-bashing is almost a norm, there are really good, upright, charming men around, who do not have skeletons in their cupboards, or shift shape in the dead of the night, you know, like werewolves. They are just good men, and might even be closer to you than you think. He might just be that man you’ve got in your life right now, or that one you left for your current beau.
When you find one of these good men, you surely know you have got a keeper and not use joy, as Yoruba people would say, to spoil a good thing. Now, here’s the thing. A good man for me is not necessarily a good man for you, or some other lady, but there are some traits common to all good men that you should watch out for. Here we go:
- A good man’s got your back, no matter what
When a good man commits to loving a lady, there are no conditions and circumstances required. Of course, there will be good times and there will be not-so-good times. There will be challenges and unexpected situations that arise, but a good man will stay by your side and be your partner through it all.
Word of caution, before you jump up, having a good man, a man that you know loves you with his entire being and will take all sorts from you, is not a licence for you to disrespect him, lie, or cheat. It does not mean you can betray his trust and turn around expecting him to stay with you because he promised to commit to you. Nah, it doesn’t work that way.
This point is about things you will go through together as a couple, and him having the integrity needed to not walk away when the times get hard. Like, if you ever have to wait to have a baby or having to deal with a life altering situation. Surely, you need a good man to walk with you through those tough times.
The truth is, just about any man can be by your side on the sunny days but the real test of his character and commitment is whether or not he will hold the umbrella over you during the stormy days.
- A good man doesn’t shove his opinion down your throat.
You see, a good man has got high self-confidence; he doesn’t need to have your obedience to feel good about himself. He knows his own self-worth and doesn’t have to agree to everything you say, unless he wants to or to indulge you. He has a mind of his own and is more than happy to let you have it. However, he speaks his mind in a cool, calm, collected and respectful manner, not brashly.
Not in a way that says, your opinion doesn’t count or are of lower standards than that of his.
- A good man doesn’t want to be the entirety of your world, he wants to make your world better
I’m not going to lie and say I wouldn’t be happy if I were the entirety of my husband’s life and world. That’s huge, but it also denies him a lot of other things, which the world has to offer. In the end, it will make him lose lots of opportunities, because all he’s thinking about is me.
Now, that was a reverse spin on this character trait of a good man.
I have had to listen to a dear friend of mine, who has the unfortunate luck of falling for strong minded ladies who have lives of their own and do not want a man to take them from it. On the other hand, he has plans for his future wife which none of the ladies agree with. So, he keeps getting turned down and he’s wondering what he’s doing wrong.
When I tell him it’s not as though these ladies do not care for his plan, they might even like some parts of it, the only challenge is they just want to have a part in the MAKING of that plan, he becomes exasperated and throws up his arms, with the attitude of, “Wetin go satisfy women sef.”
Well, I have told him he’s not listening, so I pray he meets a lady who is willing to help him learn, otherwise, he is going to be a bachelor for a long time.
The truth is, it’s easy to want to make your life into someone else’s. It’s even easier to take someone out of her life and into yours, but that is not what a good guy does. A good guy respects the life you had before him and doesn’t try and take you from it, he makes it better. He isn’t intimidated or belittled by your career, friends or weird hobbies, but celebrates them.
- A good guy doesn’t need baby sitting
That is not to say that good guys don’t have their own issues too. He might go out clubbing with the boys and get drunk, but he will get himself home safely.
He doesn’t need you to watch him so he doesn’t do something stupid, carry him home after a drinking spree, or worse, help him foot the bills because he thought one of his guys would pick up the tab. A good guy has got his life under control. You definitely need this trait in a husband.
- A good guys is family oriented
For most men who are not ready, the mention of meeting family, either his or yours, is a signal to jump ship. It’s like saying, “Let’s get married tomorrow.” Or, at best, he begins dragging his feet and coming up with fanciful excuses, while that shouldn’t be the focus of your relationship. Remember, I said excuses.
A good guy, however, doesn’t turn to jelly so easily. A good guy wants to be with you, he wants to know your flaws and your family. Most importantly, he doesn’t hide important parts of his life from you, and his family is a very important part of his life.
Most guys are willing and ready to hide their identities from their girlfriend’s family, as it releases them from any pressure of marriage, but a good man knows that he needs to know where you’re from, in order to know if you can journey together. If nothing at all, a hello/hi relationship is not too much to have with your lady’s family, until you know more about each other, and see where it goes.
Ladies, there you have the five signs that the man you are with is a good man. If your man has even only of three of the signs listed in this article, count yourself lucky to have found one of the rare male specie and enjoy your relationship.
Cupid is coming your way.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.