Tade’s evening is never complete without a visit to the house of his “girlfriend”,Yemi. He usually started his visit around six in the evening or just head there directly from work, and spend the next three hours, gisting and laughing with Yemi and her sisters and cousins.
They would talk about the weather, politics, boys, ladies, families, any issue that came to mind was not off limit. He heads home latest 9:30pm. They had this routine for months, until, the day, Yemi dropped the bombshell that she wasn’t sure, she wanted to be his girlfriend.
I mean, it was a foregone conclusion that, they were an item, even though, they had never been any time, they had discussed the issue outrightly. It had always been skirted on both their parts; Yemi waiting for Tade to state his mind and Tade thinking that Yemi had got the vibe he has been sending in her direction. Talk about assumptions.
One day, Tade arrived as usual and asked after everyone, whom he would usually have met chatting away but not that particular day. Yemi was on a mission to clarify things between them. She answered and said, everyone was fine and doing one or two things but she had something to discuss with him.
That was an ominous sign for Tade and for the next 30 minutes, he mostly listened as Yemi killed any idea of a relationship between them. He tried to save the situation but it was obvious that her mind was made up and there was no way, they could have a real relationship…at least for the next few months while she fully recovered from her mother’s death.
Tade knew each other from secondary school and had remained friends, from those teenage years till they were now young adults. Just as Yemi, was about to graduate, her mother died and Tade came along to sympathise with his grieving friend. Later, he came along to take her mind and that of her siblings off the death and keep them occupied. Much later, he came just because and that was how, he turned into a permanent fixture in the evenings in their home.
After much consideration, it was obvious what she needed to do, as she wasn’t ready to be in any relationship with anyone, not even herself. And by being truthful, she ceased to waste the time of Tade as well as give herself room to heal from her mother’s death and the difficult relationship, she had with her father.
The reasons Yemi decided to end her “non-relationship” with Tade is a valid enough, however, there are also other reasons, which are quite vital and they make it clear that you are not ready to be in a relationship. That you are not emotionally ready to give what a relationship requires.
Some of them are below:
You’re afraid to be yourself or speak up when needed
A person, who hasn’t found herself doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship, because, it is foundational that you discover yourself, you values and what you will tolerate, as well as those things, you wouldn’t even touch with a mile-long pole.
Certainly, there are moments when it’s better to keep your mouth shut, but that’s not the case here, it’s about the times, where you don’t even want to admit to liking something or even feel like you need to copy other people just so that you could be liked.
That’s an unhealthy sign. If you don’t know who YOU are, then how can someone else like you? It’s not even possible to really love yourself.
You can’t accept that you are wrong
This is a very, very bad trait to have and it’s often indicative of a personality disorder.
Unfortunately, a very large part of having any healthy relationship is being able to admit that you’re wrong, apologize, and try to make things better.
If you can’t do this unless the other person is almost walking away, there’s very little chance that you will be able to have a healthy, happy, normal relationship.
You have hang ups about men
It doesn’t matter whether the root cause of your disdain for men is daddy issue or as a result of being jilted, it will affect your issues with men generally.
While, anger doesn’t make you emotionally weak, it does make it harder to do right by men.
In fact, you may even get tempted to slam them just because you can. It’s not a good look, and it’s a sign that you may need to heal before you try again with someone else because you are definitely not ready for a relationship.
You also can’t communicate well with others
First of all, communication is the back bone of a successful relationship. If there is a communication lapse, a breakdown is not too far behind.
So, do you have a tendency to bottle things up until you explode over something else entirely? Do you stonewall others to get your way? Do you get angry with other people on a regular basis? If so, then this is a problem that may have already impacted your relationships in the past.
These kinds of communication methods aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship with anyone.
What’s odd about this is that it also tends to be a problem that comes from a need to always be right. Before you get into your next relationship, you may need to fix this problem.
You may think desperation makes it clear that you are eager to have a relationship but the truth is desperation is also a sign that you aren’t strong enough to be in a healthy relationship.
The reason is because desperation makes you do crazy things; things you really aren’t supposed to do, and you will do it because we’re not strong enough to put your feet down and have standards or stick to your values.
These are some of the signs that you need to grow emotionally before you start thinking on being in a relationship.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.