Many a husband has wondered what exactly their wife wants, and many more women have wondered, “why doesn’t this man get it?”
However, sometimes, men don’t get it, because we are expecting so much from them. Same way Muna was expecting her husband to fill the role of her girlfriend, Zara, who has now travelled out of the country. Muna expected her husband to be up-to-date on the latest movies or trends in town, or to be able to boogie with her on her Friday night jaunts, but this man knocks off by 12pm and he is not into trends or movies or anything remotely like that.
Long story short, Muna was frustrated in the end and resorted to long distance calls and chats to get her fix of girlie bonding.
While its very well to have a man you can gist with, he won’t understand everything…and that is absolutely fine. He shouldn’t feel beaten up over it, and here are a few signs that show you might be expecting more from him than he can deliver.
- You assume he’s no longer if he turns down your sexual advances…once
Trust me, if it isn’t a common occurrence and your sex life hasn’t drastically changed (or disappeared), then a lot of women wouldn’t have this as a complaint. It most likely has to do with work stress or exhaustion…not a big problem in your relationship.
You shouldn’t consider this the perfect time to start planning for World War III.
And yes, there are plenty of therapists who recommend scheduling sex but researchers recently found that the happiest and most sexually satisfied couples are the ones who go with the flow when it comes to sex, meaning do it when they’re in the mood for it, rather than try to have it on a forced schedule.
It never feels good to be turned down, but if he’s only doing it once in a while, try to remember that it’s probably really not you (just like it’s not always him when you’re not feeling in the mood for sex). Find another way to connect instead, like giving each other back rubs, as lousy as that maybe.
- You feel let down when he doesn’t remember all the details of your story
While some say a man who loves you pays attention to details, that’s not the case when it comes to most men. If his eyes look blank as you’re explaining the story of how your boss’s cousin met her fiancé, it’s not that he doesn’t find it interesting, it’s just that he’s waiting for you to get to the point.
What’s important is that he should be mentally present while you’re talking—that’s a fair expectation, but don’t think of it as a character flaw if he’s less interested in, or simply can’t remember, the details.
You can laugh it off next time he loses the thread when you’re recounting a lunch conversation with your colleague, but if it’s a serious matter, cut to the chase. Say up front that you want to talk to him about something important to you and his ears will perk right up.
- You are upset he doesn’t want to rehash a past fight
Now, let’s be honest, would you want to be reminded of a fight from last week, last month or last year, and have it analysed by the detail? I bet not.
Men don’t really dwell on, or analyse, events from the past as much as women do —which is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it’s good because it’s easier for them to move on from an issue that’s already been put to rest.
For most women, it’s like a fun, recreational sport to talk about feelings. For men, a recreational sport is a basketball game. If you really need to talk it out still, just let him know that and he’s likely to make the effort because he knows it’s important to you. That said, don’t assume he will have a perfect, well-formulated response. He may need a few days to process it all, so tell him it’s okay to discuss it again in a few days.
- You’re angry he won’t work out with you
Ladies, it’s not every couple that works out together that gets to stay together, so don’t bother going at it from that angle of bonding over a fitness routine.
Find other means to bond with your man. A recent study found that it’s less important for couples to share the same activities, and instead focus on having hobbies you both enjoy, even if they’re separate. He doesn’t have to share your love of competitive swimming or running, as long as he supports the stuff that make you happy, and, of course, cheers you on when you cross that finish line.
- He just seems to say the wrong things to you
Can I get an Amen if you have been here? I certainly have been, and I have reacted in very bad ways, wanting my husband to read my mind or by some telepathic connection, know that I needed him to say something nice to me and not ask me for his dinner, even though I know I should get it for him.
Well, the reality is it’s not-so-realistic to expect him to magically sweet-talk your problems or bad mood away. Your happiness is in your own hands. When he doesn’t talk you off your stressed-out ledge as sweetly as he once did, or he has dropped the habit of surprising you with flowers long ago, it could be a sign that his own plate is rather full and he needs you. Every marriage (and spouse) experiences tough, less lovey-dovey phases but that is just what it is…a phase. Life happens at times and things get real. Suck it up at those times too and keep it moving knowing another time will come.
Hope we can let the men have some chill time now and again. The knight in shining armour won’t always be ready to dive in to your rescue. He might actually need some rescuing himself from time to time. Then you can be the rescuing damsel.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.