I remember a few years back, a friend of mine, who had just gotten married, had been “blushing” when the subject matter of sex came up at a meeting. She had put herself right on the spot, as she soon became the topic of discussion. Innuendos and comments followed but she only responded with coy smiles.
It was obvious that she was having a whole new experience and enjoying every bit of it, and you know what? No one expected her to respond, it was enough that she was having a really good sex life. When her husband came to pick her up after the meeting, the male folks hailed him, “E ku ise.” Wehdone Sir! And the new husband was left wondering what job he had done, and done so well for that matter.
A look from his wife told him exactly what job he was being patted on the back for. If it was possible, she would have turned crimson and every one had a good laugh after the newlyweds had left.
Someone pointed that they would soon get tired of each other. “Hmm, really?” I had thought at that time, because I was having the time of my life, sex-wise, and I had been married for close to five years then.
I thought it was just a case of bad belle, but guess what? I have discovered for myself that sometimes sex can lack attraction in a relationship. You just want to sleep.
However, what’s important is the fact that, over time, a couple’s sex life is healthy and how do we know this, since you can’t go around asking couples how many times they have sex a week, what kind of sex they have and compare that with how many times you get some action between the sheets, and the styles you do.
Well, here are a few pointers you can use to determine whether, or not, your sex life is healthy.
- You tell your partner what you want and your partner tells you their preference too
Good sex is all about finding the perfect synergy with your partner, you may not get to the zenith every time, but you surely get to a place where you both know each other’s body so well, you just flow.
While you can’t expect your partner to read your mind, he or she should be open to learning about, and responding to, what you want. That is one way to flow.
If you find it tough to state your sexual hopes, you may find texting your partner about your fantasies is easier than face-to-face or in-the-moment declarations of desire.
For me, I prefer the latter, because texting gives too much room for thoughts, when all that is required is action.
- Who is counting?
It’s certainly not me or my boyfriend. Whether you’re doing it a few times a week or once a month, focusing on the number of times you have sex isn’t a great way to assess your sex life…AT ALL.
And I have a study to back it up. In a study published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, researchers randomly assigned couples to double the number of times they had sex.
Compared to a control group that went about their lives as normal, those who did the deed more weren’t any happier.
Putting pressure on yourself to have more sex may turn it into another to-do item, which drives down satisfaction, the research indicates.
On the other hand, the study authors say traveling to new locales or going on date nights, which in turn open up natural opportunities to have sex more often, may make it more enjoyable.
Like someone said recently, sharing with madam outside the bedroom will likely bring you loads of goodies in the bedroom. What are you waiting for?
- You go deep emotionally
When you feel emotionally connected and wanted by your partner, it makes you more interested in sex…especially, if you’re a woman. For us, sex is more emotional than physical.
A good way to cultivate emotional connectedness is to choose to spend at least an hour per week, catching up on your feelings towards each other; one-on-one, no interruptions. Just one hour.
- You know when to change things up
Forget what you have heard or read. In real life, it’s hard to fake your way through sex.
If you’re not enjoying it, chances are high your partner can tell.
And the reason cannot be far-fetched; boredom. Most couples find they get stuck in a certain sexual routine, and they may feel less interested in sex if it feels like they’re going to be doing the same thing over and over again.
A few simple ways to spark the interests could be as small as a change in location, some nice lingerie or position and voila, sex feels fresh again.
- You’re happy together
This is a link back to the #3 point. It sounds simple, but there’s a strong link between sexual satisfaction (factors like having interest in sex, feeling good about how often it happens, and infrequent arguments about sex) and happiness in your relationship.
Several studies back that up. When you’re satisfied in your relationship, it paves the way for better sex. So if you’re into your partner, then your sex life is probably in good shape and if it it’s not, you have the ingredients to make it so, within reach.
So, these are the pointers which show that your sex life is healthy.
How many can you tick off your sex check list?
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.