It might be a good idea to really pay attention now, especially if you are in a relationship. I know you have heard and read all the ‘love at first sight’ stories; all those, “he just understood me”, “I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, the instance I met him.” Sweet right? But it does not happen to everyone. Not everyone gets those goose bumps when they meet their life-mate, or hear a voice telling them, “That is your wife or husband.” And that is where I come in. If you are considering taking your relationship to the next level, then it is time to ask some tough questions and seek signs that he is the one for you; because as someone so aptly put it, the wedding band is the smallest handcuff there is, so you need to choose your prison mate wisely.
Here are five signs that you should watch out for in your boyfriend, fiancé; just before he becomes your husband as they can help you know if he is the one for you or not. Enjoy:
You have a long list of things, you don’t want him doing
If you have too many items on your don’t list for him; what he says, wears or does, there is a major problem, because you will be concerned about changing him than enjoying the relationship, which is quite unhealthy.
This also shows that you are not ready to compromise and meet him halfway with regards to things that put you off about him. You need to do some growing up yourself before you can decide that he is the one or not. I probably just hit a raw nerve, but that is the truth.
You cannot go into marriage with the intention of changing someone. I should know; my DH studied Accounting, even though he is not practicing, he knows how to calculate to the last kobo and he has been like that, since I have known him. That is who he is and I have accepted him as he is. I have been tempted to write out every single expense I make at times but he always finds a way to defuse the atmosphere, when he sees me in that foul mood.
You don’t trust him, when you are not there.
Hey Snooper, there is a major reason why you are checking his email, why you want to hack into his phone at any given time even while he is sleeping. Why, whyyy? Why don’t you just close this chapter and move on to someone who gives you peace of mind, even when you are not with them?
You are digging an early grave for yourself at this rate. He comes back from a trip and you are wondering about who attended to him at the hotel he lodged. If mistakenly, he mentioned a lady’s name, you are almost apoplectic, biko, go take a chill pill and get out of that relationship.
He is not your Go-to person for comfort
So, what are you doing there nau! You are in a bad mood, and you think of your boyfriend or fiancé and that frown on your face goes deeper, see heart attack in the works. You have had a bad day at work and the thought of going for drinks in the evening with him does not even put a spring in your steps, that’s a shame, pure and simple.
Or is it a case of you not wanting him to see you at your worst; like when you are crying and sobbing your heart out over a flimsy or not matter? If that is the case, then you are not ready for a mature relationship. Mr. Right should make you laugh through your tears. That is his job, let him do it. Otherwise, he is just Mr. Convenience.
There are too many deal breakers in your relationship
You know all those non negotiable goals you have in life; they are the deal breakers, if your boyfriend’s goals do not match them. You want kids, he does not. You were raised to revere elderly people, including your parents. He has no patience or regard for older people. It might look farfetched but it has happened; a friend’s hubby cannot stand the sight of his parents’ in-law and prefers to stay off their radar permanently. His relationship with his own parents is no better anyway, so that’s square. But unfortunately, their kids practically have no grandparents in their lives, and they are all alive. It is simply a shame.
Certain superficial differences can be overlooked like where he puts his boxers and how he much toothpaste he uses in brushing, but as soon as something as important as his beliefs on family and God comes into play, you are treading on dangerous ground.
You don’t see him as the father of your children
This is a major wake-up call. If you cannot sit down and see him as the father of your kids; him holding them, petting them to sleep, maybe even changing diapers, reading to them, teaching them morals, life’s truths and so on, then there is fire on the mountain but if you can visualize him in any of those roles, then you have a good reason to stay put in that relationship.
Is he financially responsible? how does he treat children around him? Not that he needs to be chums with them, but having a decent rapport with kids is a nice attribute. If you have any doubts, then it might be a good idea not to even consider going ahead with this relationship.
So, ladies, there you have it. If it is not the real deal, it is not worth the effort. Don’t be in a hurry to make Mr. Convenience, Mr. Right, just because he is available.
Good luck on the search.