I used to write an Agony Aunt column years back, and most of the people who wrote in to the newspaper were either men or teenagers. From the men, one question that came up repeatedly was their insecurity about their performance in bed with the lady (sometimes, ladies) in their lives.
While their questions may seem off beat, it is certainly a valid concern and one that shows at the least these men were not selfish lovers, who were only after their own sexual pleasure, so for that reason, I’m always willing to provide some sorts of solution, as befitting each person’s situation.
Now, you may wonder why these men prefer to write to a newspaper under the cover of anonymity, instead of discussing the problem with their lover. Well, men have what I would term a natural inhibition not to talk about their sexual performance with their partner, no thanks to societal conditioning. While your partner and a doctor are still the best persons to talk to regarding your sexual issues, here are some answers that will surely interest you.
And women, these questions should open your eyes and help you start some conversations your partner might not be inclined to start. By taking the initiative you save yourself a whole lot of stress and take same off your partner.
So, here we go with the questions and answers:
Is it my fault if my partner can’t have an orgasm?
For most women, not being able to achieve orgasms is a common issue and it might not have anything to do with you. When women struggle with this issue, they can become anxious and this can hamper sexual pleasure.
Combine this with the fact that they might actually not know how their body achieves an orgasm, and then you have a distressing situation on your hand.
Instead of you feeling like you need to deliver the big O every time, the both of you can spend some time learning the workings of her body.
Does the size of my penis matter to her?
This is a question that most men have and, according to the most current study on this question, penis size however matters much less to women than most men think. Any woman can tell you that sex is not all about the size of your penis.
True the study found that “men with a larger penis, in length and circumference, have a better body image, genital image and have a feeling of greater sexual competence” but how they use it is the real deal.
Sure, some women may prefer longer or wider penises, just like some men prefer bigger or smaller breasts. However, most women prefer to have sex with men they are attracted to as a person.
Meaning personality, looks, personal hygiene and so on, tend to be more important than the penis size to most women. This is why you are unlikely to hear women talking about penis size as men talk about boobs.
To prove this point, here’s an honest comment from a woman on the size subject matter:
“In my humble opinion, somewhere within the broad range of average size is best. It really is true that it’s not what you’ve got — it’s how you use it. Size is of no importance when compared with technique. If anything, I’ve found that the smaller-endowed guys are often — not always, but often — the better lovers. They attempt, often successfully, to compensate with technique, and as a result they are stellar lovers.”
If my partner has a sex toy, is she replacing me in the bedroom?
Sex toys, such as vibrators, can be fun in the bedroom but can in no way replace a man.
Many women have said, although they enjoy the sensation of a vibrator, they also feel a little empty afterwards. Touch and affection can be key elements to a woman really feeling sexually satisfied.
Learn how to incorporate these buzzing friends into the bedroom, and view them as enhancements not replacements. A vibrator can’t hug you back and sometimes that’s just what a woman needs.
How do I spice things up in my relationship?
While stuff like chains and whips might seem a ghen ghen way to spice things up, there are small things you can do to put some more sugar in your loveplay.
It has been noticed that when you are with a partner for a certain amount of time, you can get stuck in a predictable behaviour pattern.
Implementing one new thing can totally change things up. Sit down together and write a list of things you might like to try. That way when you’re both brave enough to try something different, you’ll already have your go to list.
Is pornorgraphy bad for me?
Porn is a lot more common than acknowledged. Some people watch porn on their own, others in a relationship, and others watch but hide it from their partners. This last group of people are more. If you are in a relationship, it’s important not to feel you have to hide this, rather be open with your partner about your desires. Hiding your porn usage could just be another way of being unfaithful.
Sure, some women do have very strong beliefs against porn, and for them, it might be a deal breaker, but at least you need to know where her boundaries are and why they are there. Why not suggest a compromise? This can be a great way to incorporate fantasy into a relationship, as long as it’s a fantasy that you are both interested in.
Whatever your porn usage is, it’s vital to note that it is for entertainment, not as an instructional video. It’s also useful to monitor how much you watch. Is it giving you false expectations for what your own sex life should be like? Then you need to be careful!
No matter how real it looks, porn is not real life sex and there is a lot more that goes on behind the scenes.
These are some of the questions men ask about sex, sexual performance and more alongside answers.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.