Besides, sleeping and sex, a lot goes on in the bedroom, especially between couples. It’s oftentimes the “war room”, where all the plans and strategies are laid out, figures crunched, horseflesh traded, compromises reached and whatnots.
What goes on in the bedroom determines what goes on outside of it. It can also be the other way round. What goes on outside of the bedroom can affect what goes on in there. In fact, for a healthy relationship, some bedroom habits need to be dropped and others picked up in its place.
While singles who don’t have to share a bedroom can do whatever suits them, it’s not the same for married couples.
If you were to ask many married couple, they will likely tell you there’s something that their partner does which irks them a lot. I know I hate it when my husband stays up in bed pressing his phone. The rays of the light, no matter how dim, get to me, but then, I have been guilty of this practice too, so I just turn my back and try to catch a few winks, knowing my own day will come when I know I will stay up in bed with my phone and he will have no choice but to accommodate me.
Anyways, that particular habit is a bad one and should stop. Meanwhile, below are some healthy bedroom habits to pick up in its place.
- Put your clothes away before climbing into bed
Consider the bedroom your sanctuary as a couple and treat it accordingly. Attempt to make the bed when you get up (attempt being the operative word there), dress for bed in your fave PJs and put away the clothes you were wearing earlier. That last part is more important than you’d think.
Why? A couples’ bedroom should be a special place for them that is set apart from the rest of the house — and even the family. Throwing of clothes carelessly, either around the room or on the end of the bed, says you don’t think it is special.
Even though bedrooms are supposed to be where you can be yourself, you have to be mindful of your partner, even in there.
- Try to go to bed at the same time
If your schedules can allow it, make it a habit to go to bed at or around the same time.
These days, a lot of couples (my husband and I inclusive) fall into patterns of going to bed at separate times, sometimes because of TV or the Internet or work
Now, the sad truth is this, this uncoordinated sleep routine may be an unconscious way of avoiding intimacy. The longer this pattern of avoidance continues, the more damaging it becomes to the relationship.
- Cuddle and kiss before sleeping
Another healthy habit to adopt is cuddling and kissing before falling asleep. According to a counsellor, even if you’re too tired for sex, making an effort to touch, spoon or kiss your spouse when you hit the sheets goes a long way in strengthening the bond between a couple. And by kiss, none of that safe peck on the cheek or bridge of nose, no! A proper French kiss does the trick.
A long, romantic kiss can release the hormones that give you both the feeling of wanting more.
And don’t forget to say “I love you” before falling asleep. Feel free to talk about all the mundane things; school fees, food, how your days went and other things but never forget to go to bed every night reminding your partner that you’re with them because you really want to be with them.
Saying ‘I love you’ demonstrates that you’re happy with your partner and that you want to continue being married to them.
- Give a thought to doing without the TV in your bedroom
These days, rather than TV, I prefer tuning the radio to my favourite station and sleeping to the sounds of some cool music. That was one of the highlights of my early days in marriage, before the kids arrived. It’s nice, even though I’m the only one who thinks so nowadays.
The truth is, it’s easy for couples to get into a routine of watching TV every night in bed, but it can serve as a distraction from true, intimate connection.
While on the subject matter of electronics, the smartphone is one and don’t bother with the statement that’s it’s a handset and should be handy, as a recent study out of Baylor University found that nearly half of us feel “phone snubbed” by our partners.
Our partners deserves a whole lot more respect, especially, more respect than our phones.
From now, when it’s time to go to bed, kindly let’s turn off all devices and tuck your smartphone in for the night as well.
Okay, you use your phone as an alarm. Valid argument, but consider this your chance to buy a new alarm clock.
Smartphones distract you from each other and keep you from communicating when you go to sleep and when you wake up. There are distractions everywhere else in the house but not in the bedroom. When you’re in your bedroom together, it’s time to really be together.
- Relax but don’t become too relaxed around your partner
Obviously, it’s OK to pass gas in front of your spouse. You’re human! But if you didn’t let it rip with your spouse when you were dating, don’t do it excessively now that you’re sharing a bed.
The bedroom is supposed to be a romantic, private space, don’t ruin it for your spouse by passing gas where you sleep and make love.
These five habits will make your bond stronger because it actually helps partners pay attention to each other more than ever. And that is always a good thing in relationships.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.