If you’re like most ladies, then, you are probably saying or thinking, “What do I need with a “straying” man? If he’s straying already, he will most likely always stray, good riddance to bad rubbish.”
However, you have not been in Keji’s shoes. For Keji, a beautiful, well endowed lady with enviable curves that ordinarily have men drawn to her, like ants after sugar, only for them to discover, that she had very high tastes and quite cerebral for their minds. Keji is who; you would call beauty and brain.
And she was in love. In love with this great guy, who loved her also. They breathed each other’s air, completed each other’s statement and had no issues with public show of affection. Theirs was a matured love in that, they had both been in relationships and knew that what they had was different from their past relationships.
However, they had a huge bust up one day, over his mom. Keji’s beau said his mom had complained about Keji’s attitude the last time, she had been at her place. After a very stressful day at work, that was the last thing Keji wanted to hear. Her reaction, filled with lots of colourful language and unpleasant thoughts ended their relationship, as Ayo wondered at how many other unpleasant thoughts, Keji has towards other members of his family.
When Ayo walked away that, he was hurt, deeply hurt, by what he had just heard. But his mind was also made up; he was ending his relationship with Keji. Keji went to bed that day thinking she would allow Ayo chill for the night and try to sort things out in the morning. She woke up to a long message from Ayo, basically telling her, they were done. She was so destabilise that morning. All she wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sulk, but work beckons, so she got ready, putting on more make up than she would ordinarily do, anything to cover up the red eyes and boost her spirit.
Throughout the day, she sent messages, none of which was replied…and then, the desperation set in. She headed for his house after work only to meet his absence, looks like he had pre-empted her coming because he would ordinarily be home at that time. She moved over to his family house, perhaps, he had gone there, before going home, no sign of him, but not to make it a completely wasted trip, she spoke and apologised to his mom, for her behaviour, the last time, she was there. Even though, she did not think she should, but if her man was breaking up with her for it then she was going to apologise, even if, it killed her.
She got her man, but it was not immediate. Another woman got him for a few painful months, before he returned ‘home.’ To get him back, Keji used some of these strategies, but for her , it was trial by error, groping in the dark for her ways thankfully, she found her way and got him back, into mama’s arms. You don’t have to do trial and error, these methods are proven to get the job.
- Accept your fault in the break up
The truth is, you broke up for valid reasons. If you ever got to talk and he mentioned those reasons, don’t dispute them. Have the courage to hear the truth in what he is saying, acknowledge it and apologize for it. It’s better to be happy and loved than to be right about everything. Instead of blaming him exclusively (even when, he’s at fault) for what happened, look within and determine how you might have specifically contributed to the demise of your relationship.
For instance, do you always question your beaus about their whereabouts because you find it hard to trust them? If so, those are your trust issues to address and fix, not his to solve. Work on yourself to learn how to trust your own judgement, so that you can be more trusting. That way, if he does come back, this issue won’t resurface again and contribute to another breakup.
- Put yourself first
Treating your life like it is very important and of great value is attractive. So, put yourself first and do what’s best for you. If your man comes back to you, don’t just pick up where the relationship left off. No, it’s a new relationship with a brand new you. And that can only happen, if you work on yourself.
He will have more of an incentive to truly find solutions to the issues that led to the breakup because he wants, the new you back. Now isn’t the time, for him to convince you that the problem was yours. Even if the problem started with you, the way he reacted or didn’t react made things worse.
- Don’t try to convince him to come back… let him do it by himself
Trying to convince your ex why he should come back, does only one thing…push him further away. It reinforces why he’s better off without you because you appear needy and desperate and like you haven’t heard anything he’s tried to communicate.
Clingy and desperate are traits that kill any attraction any man may have for you. Men are drawn to women who are happy with themselves. So ladies, be happy, live your life and let your radiant energy shine, causing him to second guess why you’re not together. Remember, you are a prize (treat yourself like one). You should never have to convince him to be with you. If he really wants to be with you, he will come back to you.
Caveat: it’s not every man, who is worth trying to get back with. So open your eyes.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.