Some weeks back, a friend of mine got married and the first picture from their pre-wedding shoot that she posted online had her husband’s face cropped out. It seemed shady to me, but as I was about to scroll past, I noticed a mutual friend asking her why she cropped out his face, and was it because of desperate girls on social media?
It was several days later that she came back to respond to that question, but even I had drawn my conclusions about why she cropped out her husband’s face. I thought that, perhaps, there was a love triangle thingie going on, and she didn’t want the drama to spill in social media, while at the same time, she wanted to share the good news of her upcoming nuptials.
Before I forget, my friend revealed that she didn’t deliberately crop out her husband’s face, and went on to share more pictures showing his full face. Of course, we got more pictures when they actually got married.
The reality is, in less than two decades, social media has changed the way we see the world. It has permeated almost every area of our lives; from what we eat, to how we eat it, the places we live, and even our relationships. Even our choice of partner is in some way shaped by social media.
Unfortunately, there are fallouts of using social media. It can be very good for you and it can be very bad. Recently, popular Nollywood actor, Segun Arinze actually blamed social media for the incessant collapse of celebrity marriages.
Given that our lives are very much lived online nowadays, his claim is not false and can even be substantiated by the fact that some celebrities are becoming very careful about sharing their lives on social media, in order to protect their relationships and family.
There is nothing wrong with sharing your relationship online, but when you overshare or your sharing is often fuelled by some other emotions other than intimating your partner and the world of your commitment, then anyone who cares can actually read between the lines and draw their conclusions about your person and your relationship. Unfortunately, you won’t be there to correct their impressions.
So, here are some conclusions people can draw from your social media pages about your love life, or even its lack thereof, so be careful what you share.
You’re just trying to build castles in the air:
Often times, we tend to forget that although there are no boundaries online, we still have to live and interact with people in the real world, and these people are also online, so there is a convergence.
Sharing about that late night romantic dinner is cute, but when you do it every other day and make it seem as if you and your partner live in each other’s pocket, then there is an issue. People see you in real life and know the reality. Unfortunately, they also see it in real life.
Or worse, when every single one of your posts starts and ends with your love life, then it just looks too good to be real.
Even Timi Dakolo, who shares a lot about his wife Busola, still posts about other issues a lot. So, there is a balance. His life doesn’t start and end with his wife, and that is awesome.
If a yummy relationship is not your reality, accept it, move on and there is no need to build such impressions on social media. People can see through the façade.
You’re truthfully blessed:
When Tara Fela Durotoye shared a photo of her and her husband, motivational speaker, Fela Durotoye, clinging to each other, with heads huddled together, I am very certain it wasn’t for the likes. It was just to celebrate her love, and let the world catch a glimpse of her over a decade love story.
Besides, she’s not one of those who get all emotional on social media.
People can sense the real deal when they see it, and when you are blessed, people can sense it. Either you share your earnest stories of the struggles in your relationship or you post only lovey-dovey photos.
They will know you are blessed.
Faking it doesn’t even cut it.
Your self –esteem is linked to your relationship:
As you fall head over heels in love, you start to think of your partner as your other half, rather than a separate individual. And that notion can come across on social media.
When your self-identity is intricately linked with your partner’s, then you will most likely show off your relationships on social media to garner approval from others, and boost his/her self-esteem as a result.
That means relationship’s milestones will be shared online, tagging will be a constant thing, couples pictures are the order of the day, let’s not forget mushy comments on each other’s posts, which is all beautiful as long as it is not over done.
Once you have overshared, be sure people will always define you in relation to your partner. And that is not good in the long run, especially if your self-esteem is truly linked to your relationship. Besides, what if the relationship breaks up?
We have a prime example in actress, Tonto Dikeh, and her estranged husband, Olakunle Churchill. For the longest time, she teased her fans with Mr X, before the big reveal, followed by a bombardment of their timelines with the too much details of her marriage. It was just too forced.
Well, we all know how the story ended, and we are still being entertained with the spin-offs.
Sharing on social media is good. It’s a great way to connect, but there are boundaries…don’t overshare.
Importantly, social media is one area we have absolute control over. If you can create and recreate how people see you or don’t see you, create a balanced impression instead.
Stay in love.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.
4. Instagram @tarafeladurotoye